


Free Angel: Preferably to Broken Home

by DracoPendragon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Child Abuse, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester's Bad Parenting, Kid Fic, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Season/Series 09 Spoilers, Unhappy Ending, Young Dean Winchester, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 01:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 21,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DracoPendragon/pseuds/DracoPendragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somehow, John got himself stuck babysitting a toddler angel in the middle of a job. As if he didn't have enough work. But, he supposes it'll be extra protection for Dean and Sam, so he decided to keep the little thing around.</p><p>Dean and Cas make a unusual pair, but they look after each other, and take care of Sam while John hunts. Then Cas has to go and return to Heaven, but they still stay in touch, because Cas made a promise to always come when Dean calls.</p><p>But this isn't a story, this is life, and life doesn't always have happy endings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on [this](http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/castiel/images/29492320/title/free-hugs-fanart) picture

John Winchester didn’t quite know what had made him take in the little angel that day, but he had.

* * *

 

He’d been out on a job, interviewing the family of a man who’d been found with his face eaten clean off. He was on the main street of a small town, heading to the hotel room where Dean was looking after Sam, when he’d been grabbed. Instinct had hit in and he struggled against the grip, but it was pretty strong.

“Stop squirming, hunter, I’m not gonna harm you.” The voice was friendly but with a menacing undertone. The owner of said voice was a man who looked no older than 35, with a devilish smile and sparkling eyes.

“Let go of me then.”

“Look, you’re a hunter, and I’m an angel, ‘kay? Now stop squirming you little bug and listen for a sec.”

“An angel?” John had heard about angels, but they weren’t supposed to be real. Mind you, he had come across stranger things.

“Of the Lord, my good man. Now, I need somewhere to hide my little brother: he draws too much attention and I need to sort something out without any hassle. I assume I can trust you to look after him.” The pressure around his arm disappeared and he turned to look at the angel.

“I’m in the middle of a job right now, and-

“So am I. Please. Just keep him holed up somewhere and I’ll come get him when I’m done. Won’t take long, I promise.”

John looked around. There was no one next to this angel. “Where is he then?”

“Aah. About that. His vessel got compromised and this was the closest one we found.” The angel pointed down at a box at his feet. In the box, John saw, was a little toddler, no older than Dean was.

“I’m not babysitting an angel, I have to hunt down this thing.”

“Oh come on, I’m not asking you to babysit him, just store him away where he’s safe. With your boys, maybe?”

“You even dare touch my sons and I’ll-

“I would never hurt little Sam and Dean. Please, man, just take my brother for a couple days. He’s in a toddler form right now, yeah, but he can look after your boys if they need it.”

John pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, thinking the situation through. _I’m already going to Hell, at least this way I know I’ve done something good for the angels._ “Fine, I’ll do it.”

“Great man, I owe you one. If you need me, just pray.”

“To who?”

“The archangel Gabriel.” And then the angel was gone, leaving John with the box.

John looked into the box, at the little angel with bright blue eyes in a too big trenchcoat. “Guess you’re coming with me then.” The little boy smiled and nodded. John lifted him up out of the box and carried him to the hotel room.


	2. Chapter 2

After he’d returned to the hotel room, John had felt like collapsing. He was tired, and he had to waste those bloodsuckers he was hunting before anyone else innocent died.

“Dad, why are you back so early? Did you get all the vampires?”

“Dad, who are you carrying? And why does he have wings?”

“Dean, Sam, meet…”

“Castiel. I’m an angel of the Lord.”

“Wait. Dad, I thought angels weren’t real?”

“What, just like everything else we hunt isn’t real?”

“But dad, what’s an angel doing here?”

“I was asked to look after him.”

“But he’s an angel-

“I know, Dean! Please. I’m tired, and I have to go get these vamps. Just look after Castiel. That’s an order.”

“Yes, dad.”

“Good. I’ll be back by the end of the week. If I’m not… you know what to do.”

“Yes, dad.”

“Okay.” John kissed his sons on the cheek and walked back out of the hotel room.

* * *

John left an awkward silence in his wake.

 _What’s with the angel? Is he even real?_ Dean had been brought up with the knowledge that monsters and demons, all the things that go bump in the night, were real. _So why think any different of angels?_

“So you’re an angel then.”

“Yes, I am.” came the simple reply.

“Sammy go to sleep.”

“But Dean-

“Sam. Go to sleep.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to talk to Castiel.”

“About what?”

“None of your business.”

“Are you two gonna kiss?”

“No, we’re not. Sammy, please. Just go to sleep.”

“Fine.”

* * *

After checking that Sam was indeed sound asleep, Dean sat on the sofa, rifle by his side. He looked at the angel next to him.

“Why are you here?”

Castiel looked confused. “Why am I where?”

“Why does my dad have to look after you?”

“My brother Gabriel, he thinks that because I have a toddler vessel I’ll hold him up.”

“Hold him up in what?”

“We were hunting these things called Hell’s Knights: they’re special demons, handpicked by Lucifer, extra nasty as well. My vessel got damaged, and this was the closest one I could get to. I can’t really fight too well with the body of a 7 year old, so I’d just hold Gabriel up on his hunt. Gabe asked your dad to look after me for a while, and here I am.” The angel explained.

“Oh. Right. Cas- I can call you Cas, right?”

“Cas?”

“A nickname for you. It’s short for Castiel, and it’s easier to say.”

The angel smiled slightly. “Yes, you may call me Cas if you wish.”

Dean smiled as well. “Great. Um, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

Dean was suddenly really shy. “Can… can I touch your wings?”

Castiel looked confused for a second. “Well… Yes, okay. You may touch my wings.”

Dean raised his hand and ran his fingers over Cas’ feathery black wings. They were soft and warm, which made Dean smile.

“Cas? Can I ask you something else?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Well… Do angels sleep?”

“No, not unless we’re injured.”

“Oh. Well then… Would you let me sleep inside your wings?”

“Yes, of course. Come here.”

Dean crawled onto Cas’ lap, and felt the feathery wings envelop him. Dean yawned slightly, resting his head on the angel’s chest. “Look after Sammy for me. Please, Cas.”

“Of course, Dean. I’ll make sure you’re both safe.”

And with the knowledge that he and Sammy would be protected by an angel, Dean fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean woke up on the sofa, a trenchcoat covering him like a blanket. He got up and went to check on Sam. The bed was empty. Dean grabbed the rifle from next to the sofa and whirled around the room, looking for Sam. The room was empty, and he was alone.

The door clicked open and Dean pointed the gun towards it, finger hovering over the trigger. Sam walked in with Cas, both holding brown bags. Dean didn’t lower the rifle.

“Sammy? Where the hell did you go?”

“It’s fine, I was with Castiel.”

“No it isn’t. How do I know you’re not both demons?”

Cas stepped forward. “Because demons can’t take over a vessel occupied by an angel, Dean. And I made sure Sam was safe. We just wanted to make you some breakfast.”

“Cas, you ruined the surprise!” Sam whined.

“Oh. Sorry.” The angel frowned.

Dean lowered the gun and hugged Sam. Then he backed away and looked at Castiel. “Dude, what are you wearing?”

Cas looked down at his purple sneakers, knee-length shorts and a retro gamer t-shirt. “What’s wrong?”

Dean laughed. “Nothing, you look fine.”

Cas smiled slightly. “Thank you. Now, breakfast.”

* * *

After they’d eaten, they all watched some TV. Sam laughed at the cartoons, and Dean explained what was funny about each of them to Cas, who sat watching each of them with a confused look on his face.

Dean was in the middle of explaining to Cas what was amusing about a coyote not being able to catch a blue bird when Sam pushed him for being too loud. Dean hadn’t been paying attention to his seating position, and ended up tumbling onto Castiel’s lap. His face went a dark red as he sat back up whilst mumbling “Sorry.”

“It’s- it’s fine, Dean.”

Sam watched the proceedings, sniggering behind his hand. Then he jumped from his seat and ran around the dingy motel room, chanting “Dean’s in love with Cas, Dean’s in love with Cas!” at the top of his voice as he went.

Dean’s cheeks were bright red. “Shut up, Sammy.” He growled.

Sam just sniggered in response. Then he stopped. “But how does that work? You’re both boys.”

“Yeah we are. Sam, there’s nothing wrong with two boys being in love, nothing at all. Okay?”

Sam nodded his head in understanding before running over to his bed and grabbing a book.

Dean turned to the angel and sighed. “I’m sorry Cas, Sam gets the wrong idea sometimes, and-

“It’s fine, Dean.” Castiel assured him.

Dean swivelled his eyes around, avoiding meeting blue eyes with his own. Then he realised something. “Hey, where are your wings?”

“Invisible. I can’t really control it though… They only show around certain people.” Cas explained.

“Oh right. Well, thanks for letting me sleep in them.” He whispered. He moved closer to Cas, who was still sat on the sofa, and gently kissed the angel on the cheek, before he turned and walked away to the kitchen unit.

Cas sat there, fingertips grazing his cheek. “You’re welcome.”


	4. Chapter 4

”You hungry, Cas?” Dean aimed his question at the angel who was sitting on the couch, staring intently at the television screen.

“I’m watching this show right now.”

“You gotta eat, Cas.”

“Dean, I am an angel, I do not require sustenance,” he growled, which was slightly scary.

“What?” Cas was talking in long words that confused Dean a lot. The smart words didn’t really match the child’s vessel.

Sam looked up from his book. “I think it means he doesn’t need food, Dean.”

“But everything needs food. Everything,” said Sam.

“Yeah, Cas. Sam knows loads, and he’s only five. Come on,” he said, holding out his half eaten burger. “Try a bit, it’s delicious.”

Castiel walked slowly over to Dean and took the burger. He looked at it, head tilted to the side in a way that Dean found endearing. He raised it slowly to his mouth, and took a tentative bite. Dean watched eagerly for his reaction as Cas chewed and swallowed. The smallest smile lifted the corners of his mouth as he handed the burger back to Dean. “That was… nice. Thank you, Dean.”

“Here, have it.” Dean pushed the wrapper into Cas’ hands. He waved off the protests he knew were going to come. “Eat, Cas. I already had some.” He smiled secretly as he watched his friend—because Castiel was now his only friend other than Sam—ate the rest of the burger neatly.

The angel licked his lips. “Thank you, Dean, for sharing your food with me.”

“No problem, man,” Dean smiled. “Hey, Cas, I can see your wings!”

The huge, black feathers had suddenly appeared behind Castiel as he’d been eating. He strained to look at them. “Seems they're controlled by feelings,” he shrugged.

“Aah, cool.”

* * *

They were sat on the couch watching cartoons (Castiel’s choice) when the eldest Winchester felt a hand gently take hold of his. He turned sideways to look at the angel next to him, who was busy over-analysing the happenings on the TV screen. Dean would usually watch the news when Sam was asleep, to make sure his father hadn’t been hurt. Or worse. He wasn't sure what he’d do if that happened. But now wasn't the time to think about it.

* * *

“Dean, I can't sleep!” Sam whined from the end bed.

His older brother grabbed the remote and turned the volume down to almost mute. “Better?”

“No,” Sam shook his head, floppy hair obscuring his face. “Read me a bedtime story?”

Dean got up from the couch to join Sam. “Sure. Come on, Cas. You're welcome too,” he shouted over his shoulder.

Castiel rose to join them as Dean whispered a story to Sam about dragons until the younger Winchester was fast asleep.

“You go to sleep too, Dean. I'll watch over you,” said the angel.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t need-” he was cut off by a yawn. “Oh fine,” he sighed, snuggling closer to Cas. “But if anything happens, you wake me asap, okay?”

“Yes, Dean,” came the reply as he felt smooth wings wrap around him.

“Night, Cas,” he whispered.

“Goodnight, Dean.”


	5. Chapter 5

Dad wasn’t back yet, and Dean began to worry that they’d run out of food before he returned. When he had expressed his worry to Castiel, the angel had left him and Sam alone in that hotel room, which unnerved him.

After ten minutes, there was a small knock at the door. Dean grabbed the shotgun while Sam hid behind the bed, and aimed it at the door. “Who is it?” he called out.

“It’s me, Castiel,” came the reply.

Shotgun still aimed, Dean went to look through the peekhole, but he couldn’t quite reach. He unlocked the door and opened it just a little, before cautiously peeking through the crack. There he could see Castiel, standing in his too big trench coat and holding two plastic bags. Dean pushed the door open further and ushered Cas in.

“What’s in the bags, Cas?” he asked as the blue eyed angel walked into the room. Dean put the safety on the gun and placed it under the couch, where he usually stored it.

“I brought food,” came the reply. Dean ran over to rummage through the bags.

“Woah, Cas. Where did you get all this?” asked Dean.

“It is not of import, Dean. Just eat, you seem hungry.”

“Sammy!” Dean called. “Cas got food!”

The little Winchester put his book down and ran over to where to other two were. “How did you get so much food?” he asked, awestruck.

“I just picked it up from the shop and clicked out.”

“Wait,” said Dean. “You- you stole from a shop? Isn’t that against angel code or something?”

“It isn’t like that, Dean. I will make sure Gabriel sees that they're paid for later.”

“Gabriel?” asked Sam.

“My brother, the archangel. He’s why I'm here with you instead of fighting with him,” sighed Cas frustratedly.

“What happened?” asked Dean, curiosity piqued.

“Can that be our bedtime story tonight?” squeaked Sam.

Dean saw the uncertainty in those bright blue eyes. “If Cas doesn’t want to tell you, he doesn’t have to, okay Sam?” he butted in before the angel had a chance to reply.

“No, Dean, it’s fine. I can tell you what happened before you rest tonight.”

“You sure?” Dean asked.

The angel nodded his consent and the matter was dropped. “Now,” he said. “Anyone hungry?”

They shared out the food, making sure they would definitely have some leftovers to last them at least a couple of days.

“Dean, why do you sleep with Cas?” asked Sam suddenly, making Dean choke slightly on his burger.

“Well, Sammy, I, er… it makes me feel good. Warm, an- and safe,” he explained, blushing.

“Dean,” began Cas, but the other waved him away.

“Leave it, Cas.”

Sam watched the encounter thoughtfully. “Do you love him?”

“Well, I love him like I love you. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. I think you two are good together,” said Sam simply before taking a large bite of the salad Castiel had got for him.

Dean looked at Cas and saw that he was smiling shyly. It was cute.


	6. Chapter 6

After they’d eaten and Dean had made sure Sam was ready for bed, he tucked his baby brother up in the bed sheets, sat on the side of the bed and gestured for Castiel to join them. The angel was wearing his too big trenchcoat again –Dean figured it was because he missed being tall- and he stumbled slightly as he shuffled his way over to the bed.

“You wanted me?” he asked.

“Sit down, Cas,” Dean patted the bed next to him gently and Castiel sat down obligingly, like a soldier following orders. Like Dean following his father’s orders. “Er, so, will you tell us what happened? With you and Gabriel?”

“Yes. I shall tell you what happened.” He paused. “We were hunting one of Hell’s Knights. That is a very pure, very powerful demon who was handpicked by Lucifer to be one of the first-fallen demons. Gabriel and I had been tracking one, and we’d finally cornered it after months of chasing. However, this one was very cunning, she… she got the better of us. I lost concentration, for just the fraction of a second, and she attacked. It was my fault she got away. Gabriel had to find me a new vessel, a new body. This was the closest there was. And then, Gabriel dumped me on you guys so I wouldn’t hold him up while he finished it.” Castiel looked down as he finished his story. Dean and Sam stared at him until he got up from where he was sat, walked away and stumbled over the too long ends of his coat.

Dean tucked Sam tightly into bed, then made his way over to the couch. He sat next to Cas, who wordlessly turned the channel to the news. They watched in a companionable silence. John wasn't mentioned. Nothing new about anything that could be vampire related was mentioned.

The news programme ended and Castiel turned the television off and took a hold of Dean’s hand. They got up and walked over to the other bed in the room, as had become tradition for them. They lay there together, warm beneath Cas’ trenchcoat. His wings came out and Dean ran his hand over the fluffy black feathers. “You know, Cas, it isn’t your fault. And if it is, then we all make mistakes. But if you're family, you forgive each other,” he whispered to the smaller boy. The angel started shaking, and Dean knew he was crying. He cleared his throat and slowly whispered “Carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more.”

“Thank you, Dean. That was very sweet of you.”

“You go to sleep, Cas. I'll watch over you.”

The angel nodded slightly and curled in closer to the Winchester, nuzzling Dean’s chest with his nose. “Goodnight, Dean,” he whispered.

“Goodnight, Cas.” Dean kept stroking Castiel’s feathers as he kept watch over his brother and the angel. And Cas feigned sleep but he made sure that Dean was always safe.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean was cooking some pasta on the stove for Sam’s dinner when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Immediately entering into full awareness mode, he swivelled around to find Sam standing there, fringe too long and looking up at his older brother with a sad look on his face.

“When’s dad coming back?” he asked.

Dean paused. He placed the cooking utensils down on the side and wrapped his arms around his brother. “I dunno, Sam. I dunno.”

“Dean, I'm scared. What if he doesn’t come back this time?”

“He will, Sammy. He always does.” Dean felt like he was reassuring himself more than his baby brother when he said that.

* * *

Dean turned from where he was sat on the sofa when he heard his name being called. There was Castiel, squinting at the microwave with his head tilted to the side. “What's up, Cas?”

The angel turned to him. “Dean, how do you work a microwave oven?” he asked, a serious look on his face.

Dean smirked slightly. He jumped up from the sofa, and glanced over at Sam. _Little nerd, always reading that book of his,_ Dean thought at the sight of his little brother sat on the bed, nose buried in the book Dean had got (well, stolen) for him at Christmas last year.

“Cas, what does ambiguous mean?” Sam shouted from his perch.

“It means, vague, or uncertain,” came the reply, blue eyes still fixed upon the microwave. “Dean, what do I do?”

Dean moved over to the kitchen where Castiel was. “Well, what are you trying to do?”

Castiel blushed, and Dean laughed. “It’s a surprise,” the angel said. “I cannot tell you or I get into trouble.”

“No you don’t Cas, that’s silly. Have you put the thing in the microwave?” he asked, trying to peer through the tinted glass.

“Yes I have,” replied the angel, pushing him gently out of the way.

“How long you gotta put it in for?”

“I don’t know. Let me check,” said Castiel as he pulled a piece of paper out of his trenchcoat pocket. “It says two minutes.”

“So you press the minute button – this one,” he pointed at it, “twice, so that you see two minutes come up on the screen here.’ He moved his finger to point at the screen. “Then, you press this big button here,” he pointed it out. “And it’ll go on for two minutes. Then you just have to wait for the beep to tell you it’s done, and you can take the thing out.”

“Thank you, Dean, for explaining,” said Castiel.

“Welcome, Cas.” Dean watched as the angel did everything Dean had told him to, wondering what he was up to.

When the two minutes were done, Castiel opened the door and pulled out a small pie. He extended it to Dean. “I made you some pie. It’s apple flavoured. I hope.”

“So that’s what you were doing in the kitchen!” Dean hadn’t been allowed in there after dinner because Castiel had refused to let him near it. He bit into the pie carefully, and his stomach growled. It was _really_ good.

“Cas, this is great. Thank you so much,” he said, before pulling his friend into a hug.

“You're welcome, Dean,” came the reply with a smile.


	8. Chapter 8

John still wasn’t back, and it had been ten days. However, the trio of boys looked after each other – Castiel got food, Dean was on guard duty and Sam was just Sam.; a little kid, young and innocent, and really smart.

“Hey Cas,” Sam called to the angel, looking up from his book for signs of a tan trenchcoat. “What's Heaven like?”

Castiel turned to look at him, brow furrowed in concentration. Dean turned to study him too. “Heaven is…” Castiel began, before faltering. “Heaven is… What is Heaven?” he murmured to himself. Suddenly brightening, he readdressed Sam.

“Heaven is home. It is large, and spacey, and beautiful. Heaven is a place of light, full of good people.”

“And the angels?” Sam asked, entranced.

“The angels are creatures of beauty. They keep the peace and calmness of Heaven and their grace fills the air. Their wings are made of the finest feathers, and they are all beautiful.” Castiel sat there, caught up in his own vision. Dean looked at him.

“Do you miss it?” he asked.

Cas turned to him. “I do. But I am here on Earth for a reason. And if I had not come here, I would not have met you. I'm happy I did.”

Dean clasped him on the shoulder, and smiled. “I'm glad you came here too, Cas.”

* * *

After Sam had gone to sleep, and they had checked the news, Cas and Dean stayed up, talking.

“How old are you?” Dean was eager to know.

“Very old,” was all Castiel said on the subject, deciding instead to steer the conversation in the direction of how amazingly clever Sam was.

Dean beamed with pride as he looked over at the sleeping pile on the other bed that was his baby brother. “Sam’s a genius,” he said.

“He is very clever. Destined for…” Castiel quietened.

Dean looked concerned. “Destined for what, Cas? What were you gonna say?”

“Nothing. I have said too much.”

“What do you know that I don’t?”

“I know a lot of things you don’t, Dean,” growled the angel. Dean backed away slightly, and Cas’ expression softened. “I'm sorry. I am not allowed to tell you things like that.”

“I get it Cas,” Dean whispered, wrapping his arms around the other boy and breathing in the smell of the trenchcoat he had got used to. “Can I still sleep in your wings tonight?”

Cas seemed confused by the idea of Dean _not_ sleeping in his wings. “Yes, of course.” He pulled away and checked the door was locked and bolted before going to sit on the edge of Dean’s bed. He looked over at the other boy expectantly. “Are you not joining me?”

“Yeah sure. Just let me see this clip of news,” said Dean, focused on the television.

After a while, he shrugged it off and joined Cas, and the two lay in bed next to one another. At some point in the night, Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean’s comfortingly, but Dean was already asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Three weeks. John finally returned to his sons three weeks after he had left them with Castiel in room 305 of the dingy motel they were staying in.

From the moment he stepped in, Dean could tell his dad was drunk. He had done his job, ganked the vamps, and then he had gone to a bar and gotten wasted. It was a regular occurrence, and Dean hated it. He hated it when his father came home with alcohol flooding through his system.

* * *

'Dean? Sam?' John called out for his sons as he unlocked the door to the hotel room. He had done his job, and then he had celebrated with a well-earned drink. 'Dean!'

The door slammed shut behind him and the end of a gun was being poked into his back. 'Turn around, nice and slow.' He recognised his son's voice, speaking to him.

'Son, if I was a demon, I wouldn't have gotten past the Devil's Trap under the doormat.'

'How do I know you're not something else? You know the drill, dad.'

'Dean, I'm telling you. Stop pointing the gun at me.' His voice was low, and dangerous.

'Yes, Sir.' The pressure at his back was gone and he spun around to see Dean standing in front of the scruffy-haired angel. Sam was not with them.

'Where's your brother, Dean?'

'I'm here, dad,' came a voice from underneath one of the beds. Sam crawled out from underneath it moments later, and cautiously approached his father.

John looked around. He spotted the bags of food on the kitchen table, and walked towards them. 'How did you get all of this?'

Dean and the angel shared stricken looks before Sam answered. 'Dean and Cas took it in turns to go get them.'

John moved forward, advancing on Dean. 'You left your brother alone?'

'No, Cas was with him, he was fine,' insisted Dean.

'We still don't know if we can trust him.'

'We can,' demanded Dean. 'He's a good angel.'

John looked livid. 'Are you answering back, boy?'

'No sir,' said Dean lowly as he looked at the floor.

'What was that? I didn't hear you.'

'No sir.' Dean spoke again, this time slightly louder.

Looking down, John noticed that the angel's hand rested firmly in Dean's. 'Angel,' he said, gaze locked on the other boy. 'Go outside for a minute, I need to talk with my sons.'

* * *

Cas didn't like the way John said talk. He turned to look at Dean, and the other was looking down at his feet. Cas could tell he was scared of something.

'Dean, will you be okay?' he asked.

Dean nodded and sniffled quietly. Castiel let go of his hand reluctantly and went to the door before pulling it open and stepping out into the cold night air.

He stood guard outside the door for a second before turning back and re-entering the room.

'No.'


	10. Chapter 10

John had raised his hand, and was about to administer what Dean was sure would be a blow when Cas stormed back in.

Dean and John both watched as Castiel walked forward and the door slammed shut behind him. The wind picked up and the sky outside grew dark; Dean saw it through the motel window. Castiel advanced further, and for the first time ever, he felt truly scared of his friend, remembering that Cas was a powerful angel.

'You will not hurt Dean. He is my friend, and I shall protect him,' said the angel, voice lower than it had ever gone. The sky outside rumbled, and Sam whimpered from where he had hidden under his bed.

Dean ran to his brother, away from his father and his friend, and hugged his brother close to him. 'Shh, it's okay Sammy. It's okay.'

Castiel watched Dean and Sam, anger lessening. The wind outside died down slightly, and the cover of cloud started to drift away. John advanced towards him and Cas moved into a defensive position. He doubted the eldest Winchester would dare try and strike him, but he had to be prepared for anyting.

'Now, I can't control you, angel, but I can call your brother and he'll deal with you I'm sure,' growled John, breath smelling of alcohol.

'My brother is a lot stronger than me,' said Castiel. 'And he would not be too happy if you called him here with no good reason.'

John bent down so he was Castiel's height. 'I want you gone,' he said simply. 'I don't want you anywhere near my sons ever again.'

Castiel glowered at him. 'If I think that either Dean or Sam are in danger, I will help them. They are my friends, and I am going to look after them.'

John turned to look at Dean. 'Seems like you have yourself a guardian angel, boy.'

Dean looked up and let slip a small smile aimed at Cas before he continued comforting his brother.

Castiel felt calmer, and the weather cleared up. He knew he would not leave, despite John Winchester's orders; he did not trust the man, had seen how he failed to look after his children.

John eyed him warily. 'If you even so much as hurt one of them I will not rest until I've found a way to-'

Castiel had reached out and touched his forehead, sending him into sleep. Then he lifted the sleeping body and placed it on the sofa, which despite his size, was not a difficult task. He turned back to look at Dean, who had a look of incredulity on his face.

'He's not dead, is he?'

'No,' said Castiel as he shook his head. 'Merely sleeping. The alcohol will have left his system by morning, and he will not remember this confrontation.'

Dean approached the sleeping figure cautiously. Then he looked at Cas. They stayed staring at each other for a moment until Dean remembered Sam and lifted his brother onto the bed, tucking him in gently.

'Come on Cas. Let's go to sleep.'

They crawled into the other bed together, and lay there, hands entwined beneath the covers. 'I guess my mom was right,' said Dean. 'Angels  _are_  watching over me.'

'I will protect you Dean,' Cas promised as he watched the other boy's eyelids flutter shut.


	11. Chapter 11

When Dean woke up the next morning, the first thing he did was check on Sam, as always. Then he turned to look at the sofa. Last night had seemed so vivid, he hoped it was just a weird dream he'd had. But no, there lay his father, sleeping off the alcohol. He turned to look for Cas, and spotted the angel a few minutes later in one of the poorly lit corners of the room where little sunlight reached.

'Hey Cas,' he whispered, not wanting to wake up the other Winchesters as he went to stand next his friend.

'Hello Dean. Did you sleep well?'

Dean nodded. The stood in silence for a while, both wrapped up in their own thoughts. Dean looked over his friend, finding it difficult to believe that this was the same boy who had stood up to his father last night. He moved his hand to wrap it gently around the angel's. He received a gentle squeeze in response.

'Dean, if your father ever treats you like that again, I want you to call for me, and I will come and save you,' said Castiel, finally breaking the silence.

'How do I do that?' asked the Winchester.

'Pray for me,' Cas offered. 'Try it.'

Dean shut his eyes and moved his lips in a silent call, hands placed against each other in prayer.

* * *

Cas heard the words echo in his mind. 'Hey, Cas. Can you hear me?'

The angel felt as his face broke into a rare smile. He nodded. 'I hear you, Dean.' He watched as the other boy opened his eyes and turned to look at him. 'I will always come when you call.'

'Thank you, Cas,' Dean whispered. He pulled his friend into a hug, and Castiel felt his grace buzz, as it always did when Dean came into contact with him.

'You're welcome, Dean.' Slowly afterwards, they pulled apart, and Dean returned his attention to Sam.

'You are a good brother,' said Cas admiringly.

'Thanks.' Dean turned to look at him and smiled. They stood staring at each other for a long minute, before they both looked away awkwardly. 'Do you have any brothers or sisters?'

'Yes, actually. All of the angels in Heaven are my brethren, but we are not as close as you and Sam are. There are many battles between us, which most of us wish to avoid,' answered the angel.

'That doesn't sound too good.'

'No, it is not.'

'So what'll happen when dad wakes up? He won't remember what happened?' asked Dean cautiously.

'He will remember killing the vampires, but not going to the bar. In his mind, he will have returned here sober, and that you and Sam were asleep when he arrived. It would be ideal if you and Sam began sleeping in the same bed again, as your father is here.'

'Where will you sleep?' Dean asked.

'I will watch over you, Dean,' was Castiel's reply.

'If you're sure.' It was obvious Dean was reluctant to stop sidling in with Cas, and Cas felt the same. It was for the best though, he told himself.

'I am sure.'

'Okay.'


	12. Chapter 12

John woke up feeling a lot better than he had done in several months. Several years, in fact. He wondered what had happened to change that. He remembered coming back from the hunt and falling asleep on the sofa, not wanting to disturb Sam and Dean while they slept. He went to the kitchen and looked for food loudly. He stopped by the cupboard and got some coffee, deciding to have some of that instead of alcohol to give him a boost.

John Winchester felt different today. And that made him a little suspicious.

 

Dean noticed a change in his dad when he woke up to the smell of coffee and not alcohol. He turned to Cas, who was sat at the edge of their bed, and incredulous look on his face.

‘Cas, did you do this?’ he asked.

‘I may have aided your father with his alcohol consumption, yes,’ replied Cas quietly as he leaned closer to Dean so no one else heard.

‘What are you two talking about, Dean?’ came John’s voice from the kitchen. He could feel his dad’s eyes burning into him, obviously judging the lack of space between him and the angel, so he shifted awkwardly away.

‘Nothing, sir,’ he replied.

John’s attention was then directed towards Castiel. ‘Do you know how long this Hell’s Knight business is gonna take? I have work to do.’

‘I am unsure of how much longer my brother will take,’ sighed the angel.

‘Cas?’ Sam's voice called his name from behind the bed, where he was sat on the floor, hunched over his novel.

‘Yes, Sam?’

‘It was Gabriel you were with, wasn’t it? That’s what you said.’

‘Yes, that is correct,’ nodded Cas, even though Sam wasn’t looking at him.

‘Like, the archangel Gabriel?’

‘The very same,’ said an unfamiliar voice. Castiel turned to see his brother, covered in blood and still holding onto an angel blade.

‘Gabriel, what are you doing here?’

‘Cas, no time. We gotta go,’ replied Gabriel, ignoring everyone’s eyes on him. He turned to John Winchester. ‘Thanks for looking after him, we’ll be going now.’

‘Cas, please don’t go,’ cried Dean.

‘Sorry kid, nothing personal,’ said Gabriel in answer with a frown and a shrug of his shoulders. He went over to the door and stood by it, waiting for Cas, who was looking at Dean. ‘Come on, baby bro.’

‘Why do I have to go?’

‘Well…’ Gabriel drew out, voice higher than usual. ‘Things may not have gone one hundred per cent to plan.’ his words were accompanied by a rumble of thunder from the quickly darkening sky outside the motel.

‘You mean to tell me you didn’t actually kill this thing? And you're drawing it here?’ asked John. His voice was dangerously quiet, and Cas saw Dean’s expression change to one of fear.

‘Not exactly,’ replied Gabriel. ‘It’s still a bit away, so if me and Cassie leave now, there's still time for you to escape.’

Sam ran up from where he had been listening behind the bed and hugged Gabriel's legs. ‘Please help us.’

At the same time, Dean pulled Cas close to him and hugged him tightly. ‘You need to go, Cas.’

‘I promised I would look after you, Dean,’ whispered Cas back.

The door of the motel room flew open, and they all turned to stare at the figure framed in the entryway.


	13. Chapter 13

'Angel,' said the woman blocking their exit. 'There you are.' She had bright red hair and deep black eyes, clothes blood-stained. Her smile was polite, almost, as she stepped over the threshold and advanced on the grouped.

'Abbadon,' Gabriel smiled politely. 'How lovely to see you.'

She walked forwards but was stopped short, having been caught in the Devil's Trap John had painted underneath the door mat the moment he rented the motel room. 'Clever, hunter. But a simple trap isn't going to save you or your sons.'

John turned to Sam and Dean. 'Boys, get under the bed. That's an order.' After he made sure that they had done so, he turned to Gabriel. 'How do we kill this thing?'

'Exorcisms won't work,' replied Gabriel. 'Holy fire won't kill her either, blah blah, we need the first blade, which is currently unprocurable.'

'So we're just stuck here?' John asked through gritted teeth.

Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes, before turning to his brother, who had moved to stand beside him. 'Cas, you take Sam and Dean and make sure they're kept safe. Would you like to go too?' he asked the eldest Winchester.

'Am I gonna be of any use if I stay?'

'Bait, perhaps,' replied the archangel darkly before he swung the bloodied blade in his hand. 'Come on, do you really want to fight me? We archangels got rid of you, and now you're the only one left.'

'The archangels did not kill my kind,' she laughed. 'Oh, admit it; I know more about these things than you ever will.'

'Hardly.'

John interrupted the bickering and went to stand beside Gabriel, who turned in confusion. 'What are you doing?'

'Protecting my sons,' came the reply in a grin tone. He turned to the bed where Cas had gone and was holding on to both of his sons. 'Dean, you look after your brother. I'll see you soon.'

'Yes, sir,' Dean replied

'Daddy!' Sam cried out, fist grabbing onto a long sleeve of Castiel's trenchcoat.

'Go, now,' he insisted. He watched the angel place his fingers on Sam and Dean's foreheads and then all three disappeared with a soft woosh.

He turned back to the action and looked to Gabe. 'So, what do we do now?'

'Technically, we could just leave here and let her rot in the Devil's Trap, but I'm sure she'd find a way to get out. Or, now that we have her, we can chop her up into teensy little pieces and hide them until I find out where the first blade is,' shrugged the angel.

'What exactly have I done wrong?' Abbadon called out, interrupting his thoughts. 'Is it because I'm a bigger fan of your brother than you? Because, you know,' she continued, eyes turning their natural green, 'I could be convinced to change my mind.' Her voice was low and sultry, but Gabriel wasn't fooled.

'As if you'd betray my brother,' he said.

'Fine,' she replied, eyes morphing back to black. 'Find a way to stop me. But you'd better hurry, or precious little Sam and Dean are done for.'

Before John could say anything, the blade in Gabriel's hand was piercing her side, and she keeled over in pain. He twisted it, and her mouth opened with and a cloud of thick, black smoke was expelled from it. Then, the host fell to the floor, lifeless.

'We'd better get going,' said Gabriel as he turned to study the Winchester whilst wiping the blade clean against his leg.

John nodded and gathered his things quickly, and then Gabriel's index and middle fingers lay rest on his forehead and he was transported away from the motel room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on updating this every Sunday until it gets real close to exams in a few months and I start cramming in revision like hell, so... Enjoy.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean closed his eyes and grabbed hold of Sammy gently as Cas placed his fingers on his forehead. He felt the air around him swirl and rush, and it felt like he was flying. Then, with a jolt after what could only have been a second, his feet hit solid ground and he opened his eyes again.

‘Cas, where are we?’ He looked around; it was a disused garage, and there were rusty cars everywhere.

‘I tried to take you somewhere familiar, but I seem to have overreached,’ replied the angel.

‘Are we safe here?’ Dean asked. Sam was clinging onto his arm, and he stroked his brother’s hair comfortingly.

‘We are safe for now,’ Castiel said. ‘I shall tell my brother our general location and he will find us.’

‘Dean,’ said Sam quietly. ‘Where’s dad?’

‘He stayed behind with Gabriel to help him fight, remember?’

‘Is he okay?’

‘Sure he is,’ Dean replied sounding more confident than he felt. ‘He always is. Dad’s as strong as anything, you know.’

‘What do we do now?’ asked the five year old.

‘We wait,’ said Dean simply as he dug through his pocket for something he could use to pick the lock of the nearest car.

‘Here,’ Cas said, as though he’d known what Dean was doing. He placed his hand on the door and after a second, it opened.

‘Thanks, Cas,’ Dean smiled as he got into the car. ‘Hey Sammy, get in here. It’s safer than being out in the open.’ He watched his brother crawl in and settle on the back seat beside him before he turned to his friend. ‘You too, Cas.’

‘I must protect you,’ replied Castiel uneasily, not moving from where he stood by the outside of the vehicle.

‘You can do that from in here too,’ pointed out the older Winchester brother. ‘Keep us warm in your wings, or something.’ Dean knew that he was just making excuses; he really liked being close to Cas, and being wrapped in the soft, feathery wings made him feel safe. Sam looked at him inquiringly, before making a face of realisation and rolling his eyes. For a five year old, he was pretty expressive when he wanted to be. ‘What?’ Dean asked.

‘Nothing. When will dad be here?’

‘I don’t know, Sam.’ Dean looked towards Cas – completely not on purpose – and noticed the angel had his eyes closed. ‘Cas?’ he said. ‘You okay?’

‘I am fine, Dean. My brother said he will be returning with your father momentarily, as soon as he “gets his ass in gear and gathers his stuff”.’

‘So they’re both okay?’ Dean asked cautiously. He had learned from experience not to get his hopes up too much, so he wasn’t let down.

‘As far as I am aware, yes.’

Dean quickly slid out from the car and moved to give his best friend a quick hug, hands bundling in the trench coat he had on. He felt Castiel relax into his touch, and smiled secretly. He pulled back hesitantly, giving Cas a small, hesitant kiss on the cheek before turning away, face warming. ‘I, er…’ he trailed off, not quite knowing what he wanted to say. ‘It’s good that they’re okay.’

‘Yes,’ Castiel agreed. ‘It is.’

Sam watched the exchange from the back of the car and rolled his eyes before leaning against the upholstery and trying to get comfortable.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a day late, I know, I'm sorry, but things came up and I was at a party and stuff so yeah. Anyway, here you guys go.

Gabriel and John arrived at the abandoned garage a few minutes later, John with his gear bag and Gabriel still holding aloft the weapon. ‘Cassie?’ he called out gently.

‘Over here, Gabriel,’ replied Castiel upon hearing his brother’s call. He walked over to one of the cars to find his brother with his wings wrapped around the two Winchester boys.

‘We’d better get going now,’ he said to the other angel.

‘Wait, you’re leaving?’ Dean asked as he rose from his resting place to look Cas in the eye, even though the other avoided his gaze.

‘I have to, Dean. I’m sorry.’

Gabriel looked between them curiously. Cas wasn’t usually one for going against orders. He hoped his baby brother hadn’t fallen for Michael’s vessel. ‘You know what you’re gonna have to do, Cas,’ he said quietly.

‘Do I have to?’ Cas asked as he turned to look at Gabriel pleadingly.

‘Sorry, bro. They’re just the rules, I can't stop it.’

‘Do what, Cas?’ Dean asked, grabbing hold of his friend’s arm. ‘What’s he talking about?’

‘I have to make you forget, Dean. About everything. Abbadon, Gabriel, everything that occurred in the time we have spent together. All your memories of me.’ Cas sniffed before continuing. ‘They all have to be wiped from your memory.’

‘Is what he’s saying true?’ John asked from behind the archangel. ‘Will we all have to have our memories wiped?’

‘It’s part of the rules, I’m afraid,’ Gabriel explained, turning around to look at the hunter. ‘None of you can remember this. Not you, not Dean, and not Sam either.’

‘And if we try and stop you from doing it?’ asked John stubbornly.

Gabriel smiled darkly and spun the blade in his hand. ‘You can't stop me if you don’t remember me,’ he said as he flew so he was stood behind the broad figure. John turned, startled and unready, but Gabriel was faster, and moved his fingers to the hunter’s forehead and removed his memories before making him unconscious. ‘One down, two to go,’ he said, turning to his brother.

‘Gabe, please.’ The archangel paused; Castiel never called him that unless he was on the verge of pleading.

‘Why not?’

‘I promised to look after him.’

Gabriel rolled his eyes and turned to look at Sam. ‘Hey, you okay?’

Sam nodded tensely from Dean’s arms. ‘What did you do to our dad?’

‘I made him forget, then I sent him to sleep,’ Gabriel explained calmly.

‘Will you do that to us too?’

‘I don’t think Cas here is gonna let me,’ sighed the angel. ‘So here’s what you’re gonna do – and you listen up too, big boy – you two aren’t going to tell your dad about  _anything._  Not angels, not me or Cas or anything that’s happened in the last few weeks. Got it?’

Both of the Winchester boys nodded seriously to show they had understood, and Gabriel motioned for Cas to get out of the car. ‘I won't make them forget, but you can't stay with them permanently.’

‘Wait, Cas still has to go?’ Dean asked incredulously.

Castiel extracted himself from the hold he was in, and turned to look at Dean. ‘I’ll watch over Dean. Pray for me, and I will find you.’ He turned to his brother. ‘We should take them to another motel.’

‘Okay, okay,’ Gabriel said as he grabbed hold of John’s unconscious body and hoisted him onto his back easily. ‘Let’s go, and stay with me this time.’

Dean and Sam grabbed a hold of Cas and then a few seconds later were standing in another clean motel. Then, another flap of wings and Cas and Gabriel were gone, without saying goodbye.


	16. Chapter 16

Dean looked around the room forlornly. Cas had gone, John was asleep on the couch where Gabriel had deposited him, and Sam was bouncing around on one of the luxurious beds.

‘Dean, will we see Cas ever again?’ Sam asked him as he took one final bounce and landed in an energetic heap on top of the covers.

‘I don’t know, Sammy,’ replied the elder brother. ‘But you heard what Gabriel said, right? No talking about angels or anything that happened with Cas when dad’s around.’

‘I won't say anything, Dean,’ Sam promised before he moved so he could get underneath the soft blankets. ‘Did they bring my book?’

Dean went to look through John’s bag, mindful of the sharp weapons. ‘I don’t think they did,’ he said sadly.

Sam frowned and made a sad ‘aaw’ing noise. ‘Now where are you gonna sleep, Dean? Cas isn’t here anymore so you can't sleep in his wings.’

‘I guess I’ll just have to sleep with you again, if dad’s going to end up taking the other bed,’ Dean replied to his brother as he moved so he too could get underneath the covers.

‘Night, Dean,’ whispered Sam.

‘Night, Sammy.’

‘Will you tell me a bedtime story?’

‘Not tonight, Sam. I don’t have any stories to tell.’

‘Okay.’

* * *

 

Up in Heaven, Gabriel pulled Cas to the side before they walked into the Hall of Angels.

‘Now, we’re gonna have to do a little white lying. We don’t mention the Winchesters at all, and say that Abbadon was killed.’

‘But she wasn’t?’

‘I didn’t have anything to kill her with, Cas,’ the archangel pointed out. ‘Also, maybe it’d be best if you didn’t see Dean again.’

‘Why not?’

‘He’s Michael’s vessel, genius. You can't interfere with him.’

‘But I promised I’d look after him.’

Gabriel sighed, hand rising to meet his face in an expression of fatigue. ‘Okay. But whatever happens, none of this has anything to do with me from now on.’

‘Agreed.’

‘Good.’ Gabriel turned to the doors. ‘Now, let’s go and give our siblings the news.’

They opened the doors, extending from their vessels into their true forms. Silence fell as they walked in, and all heads turned their way. Gabriel moved forward to take his place on one of the four thrones at the front of the room, the ones which were set just before a highest seat, in which their father had once sat. Gabriel sat in his own space, flanking Michael’s right, next to the vacant chair that had once belonged to Lucifer before he had been cast out. Castiel stood with the other angels in his garrison, and looked up at the archangels.

‘What news, Gabriel?’ asked Michael.

‘Abbadon’s gone.’

‘Dead?’

‘I assume so.’

‘And the Winchesters?’

‘We had nothing to do with them, Michael. But they were in the area, and seemed oblivious to our presence.’

‘And there were no signs that Lucifer was attempting anything?’ asked the eldest archangel.

‘Nope, nothing. All the seals are intact,’ Gabriel informed him.

‘This is good news,’ Michael said. All the other angels nodded in agreement. ‘You are dismissed. Continue in your duties.’

And with that, the angels disbanded. Castiel went to Mary Winchester’s private heaven, just to see Dean’s mother. He knew he wasn’t supposed to, but he didn’t talk to her, so essentially, it was all okay.

He wondered when he would next see Dean.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers ahead for the #THINMAN episode**
> 
> So I watched the #THINMAN episode and thought the story about being on the roof fit in, so I decided to include it seeing as it was chronological and everything.

’Come on, Sam, it’s totally safe!’ Dean called up to the roof from where he had landed in a pile of leaves at the bottom of the shed.

‘You sure, Dean?’ Sam asked, head coming into view as he looked down. His face was partially covered by a batman mask, but it was obvious he was worried.

‘Positive,’ replied the elder Winchester, standing up and spinning around in a circle, arms outstretched in a display of his continued good health.

‘Okay then,’ said Sam cautiously before he moved right to the edge of the shed roof. Dean watched from the side as his brother jumped down, black cape whistling in the air around him. He heard the unmistakeable crunch of bone as Sam landed awkwardly on the ground with a cry, leaves whirling in the air around him and blanketing his black costume.

‘Sammy!’ Dean called out hurriedly, rushing over to the pile of dead leaves. ‘Sam, are you alright?’

‘My arm really hurts,’ came the teary reply as the orange sea was parted by the young Winchester. ‘I don’t think I can move it.’

Dean took the extended limb gently in his hands, examining it carefully. Sam winced in discomfort, and Dean apologised.

‘I think it’s broken,’ he concluded after a moment of consideration. ‘You’re doing really well.’

‘What are we gonna do?’

‘Dad’s not gonna be happy,’ Dean murmured to himself as he took of his cape and used it to make a makeshift splint for Sam’s arm. ‘I’ll take you to the ER nearby.’ He went into the unlocked shed and dug out his bike, saddling it and motioning for Sam to join him. ‘Get on the handlebars.’

Sam did as he was told, and Dean held onto his brother tightly as he biked to the nearby hospital. When they got in, he went straight to the desk and explained the situation. Sam was admitted to a room almost immediately, because it wasn’t a really busy night at the ER it seemed, and Dean was let in with him.

An X-ray confirmed that Sam's arm was indeed broken, and they were told he’d have to have a cast on it to help it heal. Sam seemed okay with it, but Dean wasn’t sure how John would react to it. He decided to call Cas and ask for help.

* * *

‘Cas?’ Dean’s voice rang clear in Castiel’s head. ‘Cas, I need you. Sam's hurt. It’s not serious, but I was wondering if you could help.’

Without thinking, Cas immediately flew down to earth, where Dean was. He took on the form he had done before, not wanting to waste a second having to find another one, and was at the ER in a second.

‘Cas!’ Dean called out his name and hands were wrapping around his frame as he was hugged by the Winchester. ‘You came.’

‘I will always answer when you call,’ Cas replied. He turned to the bed, where Sam was sat up reading a book. ‘Hello, Sam.’

‘Hey Cas,’ Sam grinned toothily. ‘Can you fix my arm? I broke it.’

‘Why are you dressed like that?’ asked the angel, turning to look between the two brothers.

‘It was my idea,’ Dean admitted. ‘I wanted to see if we could fly.’

Cas chuckled. ‘You look very fetching.’

‘Thanks,’ smiled the elder Winchester, blushing.

‘You look very heroic too, Sam.’

‘Thanks,’ smiled Sam again. ‘Now can you fix the broken bone in my arm?’

‘Of course I can.’ Cas moved to sit beside Sam, and took his arm gently. ‘I warn you, this may hurt slightly. Tell me if you want me to stop.’

‘I will,’ Sam promised, nodding to show he had understood.

Cas let his powers run through his fingers and into Sam's arm, healing the fracture. Sam winced slightly, but that was the only sign of discomfort he made.

When he was done, Cas moved away again. ‘Well done; you were very brave,’ he assured Sam, who blushed modestly at the compliment.

‘Thanks, Cas,’ Dean said. He’d watched the whole thing, and he pulled Cas in for a quick hug before he moved back.

‘I should return to Heaven now,’ Cas informed them sadly.

‘Bye, then,’ sighed Dean reluctantly.

Cas said one last goodbye to them both before flying back to Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've never actually broken a bone so I don't know hospital procedure for these things, please excuse the inaccuracies


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so overdue I know, but if you want to find someone to blame, blame the person who decided to be a douche with my exams.  
> I'll try update when I can, but I'm sorry if I don't make all the usual update times. Won't be updating at all in 6 weeks time for 6 weeks because exams.

It was less than six months later when Castiel was summoned by Dean Winchester again. This time, when he flew to Dean’s location, he ended up in a park. The Winchester boy was standing with a grizzled man, who was not John and did not appear to bear any resemblance to the Winchesters. He walked up to them, and was soon spotted by Dean.

‘Cas!’ he yelled, and rushed forward to hug his friend.

‘Hello, Dean,’ replied Cas as he wrapped his short arms around the Winchester. He was once more in the vessel he had taken after losing his previous one, and it had grown a little so that it was keeping up with Dean.

‘I was wondering if you wanted to come and play ball with us?’ Dean asked, looking hopefully at Cas as he pulled away. ‘Dad said I was supposed to be doing shooting practice, but Uncle Bobby’s letting me skip it for baseball.’

Castiel’s mind drifted to the matters that were to be addressed, before deciding with a resolute finality that they could be postponed for at least a few hours while he spent some more time with Dean.

‘Of course I can come and play ball with you,’ he said, smiling slightly.

‘Awesome,’ replied Dean before pulling him over to where Bobby was stood. ‘Bobby, this is my friend Cas. We met on a hunt once.’

‘Nice to meet you, kid,’ said Bobby, voice rough. He extended out his hand and Castiel shook it. ‘Your parents hunters too?’

‘No, me and dad saved him and his family from these demons. That’s how he knows about this stuff.’

‘Jesus, Dean, let him speak for his’self,’ began the older hunter.

‘What Dean says is true,’ interjected Castiel. ‘He was tremendously brave, saving me the way he did.’

Dean blushed at the comment and the two spent a short second staring at each other before Bobby clapped Dean on the shoulder and said: ‘I’ll leave you and your friend to play ball together, okay? Gonna go and sit right on that there bench,’ he said as he pointed out, upon sensing Dean’s slight nervousness.

‘Okay, Bobby,’ Dean smiled. He took the ball and mitt from the hunter before pulling Cas gently with him so they were further afield, but not by much.

‘Dean, I am unaware of how to play baseball,’ Cas said when they came to a stop.

‘It’s okay, I’ll teach you,’ insisted Dean, before going into a torrent of rules and advice for the game.

When Cas thought he had got it, they played a few games, with the angel’s skill increasing the more time he spent playing.

Their fun was stopped short though, when Gabriel's voice echoed in Castiel’s head via the angel radio, stating  he was needed.

‘I have to go again, Dean,’ he said apologetically.

‘It’s okay, Cas. As long as you come back and visit me soon,’ smiled the Winchester sadly.

‘I shall, I promise,’ said Cas.

‘I’d walk a little further before teleporting though; Bobby might suspect something.’

‘Good idea,’ nodded Castiel. He gave Dean a short hug and a kiss on the cheek before walking away from his friend and the park. When at the edge of the grass that marked the sidewalk, Cas flew back up to Heaven once more.


	19. Chapter 19

The length of time that passed between the day in the park and the next time Castiel was called to earth to spend time with Dean was about a year. Cas was happy to drop all of the official business of Heaven and go to spend more time with the Winchester he had grown attached to.

‘What is it this time?’ he asked, grinning as he joined Dean and Sam at the booth they were seated in at a rustic diner.

‘Hey, Cas,’ smiled Dean. ‘You remember how the first thing you had when we met was a hamburger?’

‘I do remember, yes,’ replied Castiel as he drew up the memory of that night. He had enjoyed the taste immensely; it wasn’t like other foods he had tried.

‘Well, I think I just found the best hamburger ever,’ he said, eyes wide as he gestured to the meal in front of him.

‘Is it really that good?’ Castiel asked humorously. ‘How many burgers have you eaten in your lifetime so far? Because surely there is not that much to compare to.’

‘Oh shut up, Cas. Seriously, it’s fantastic.’ Dean slid the plate so it was resting in front of the angel. ‘Try it.’  
Castiel turned to look at Sam, who was smiling at him and waving. ‘Hey, Cas. It is pretty good. Dean gave me a bite of his because I took salad instead.’

‘Health nut,’ Dean whispered under his breath.

‘Shut up, jerk.’

‘Whatever. Try it, Cas. For me?’

Cas looked to see Dean pouting at him, and the sight was a mixture of comical and yet endearing. ‘Fine,’ he sighed, as he picked up the food. ‘I shall try some.’ He took a bite of the burger cautiously, and felt the familiar taste flooding his mouth, except this time, it was at least ten times better. He turned to look at Dean, who in turn was looking at him intently, and nodded in appreciation. He finished his mouthful and swallowed before speaking again.

‘That was amazing.’

‘Want your own?’ Dean asked, before motioning to a waitress nearby. ‘Can we have another one of these stunning burgers, please?’

‘Sure thing, sweetie,’ she smiled and noted down the order before bouncing away, blonde ponytail swaying gently as she walked.

The two boys and the angel talked about how each of them had been while they waited for Cas’ order to arrive. Cas had been busy in Heaven on ‘official angel business’, as Dean called it, and the Winchesters were looking after each other.  
Eventually the extra burger arrived and Castiel immediately began to eat. The table fell silent for a while, each of them wrapped up in their own meals.

It wasn’t long before they were all done, and Dean called the waiter and handed her over enough bills to pay for their meal.

‘Where did you get those?’ Cas asked, intrigued.

‘Stole them from dad’s wallet. He wasn’t gonna use them, and me and Sammy felt like eating out, so.’

‘Okay.’

‘You probably have to go back now, so…’ Dean trailed off.

‘I think I do,’ said Cas sadly. ‘I’ll come back again soon if you need me soon.’

‘Thanks, Cas.’

‘You’re welcome, Dean.’

And with that, Cas said goodbye to his friend once more and left.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John Winchester is an awful father. And I had to write this for some reason. Not sure why. Anyway, enjoy.

’Cas? Hey Cas?’ Dean’s voice echoed inside the angel’s head. ‘Cas, can you hear me? I need some help. It’s my dad, he’s… Cas please come and help me.’

Something was wrong. Really wrong. It was painfully obvious. Castiel was in the middle of a meeting with the rest of his garrison, but he couldn’t leave Dean to suffer.

‘I am afraid I shall have to go,’ he said, interrupting Balthazar mid-speech.

‘What’s going on?’ Inias asked.

‘I have some important business to tend to, which means we must cut this short.’

And with that, he flew down to Earth, securing Dean’s position so he knew where to land. He was once more in the body he had used in his previous visits to Earth, not wanting to be unfamiliar to the Winchester boys.

‘Dean?’ he called out, having transported to a room which was, at first glance, abandoned.

‘Cas? Is that you?’ the voice that called out was shaky, and appeared to be coming from underneath the bed.

The angel walked over and peered underneath the metal frame. There were Sam and Dean, curled up together defensively. ‘Dean? Is everything alright?’

‘Yeah, Cas. It’s fine now.’

Castiel tilted his head. ‘Why are you under the bed? Come out from there, it must be cramped.’

‘We’ve been in worse,’ Dean admitted as he eased Sam out before him from under the bed.

‘What happened?’ Castiel asked.

‘Dad, he… he got drunk,’ Dean began explaining quietly as he got out from beneath the metal frame and wrapped his arms around his little brother in a comforting hug. ‘He got really angry because I’d left Sam alone to get food, said I was wrong to do that to Sammy, and then he-’ he stopped short, obviously not wanting to talk about it. His eyes were filling rapidly with tears and Cas frowned.

‘Dean, did your father hurt you or Sam?’ Cas asked gently, moving slowly closer to the Winchesters as though afraid of frightening them.

‘No,’ came the small reply. ‘I managed to get Sam out of the way, and he just shouted at me.’

Castiel had the vaguest sense of apprehension; surely the older Winchester brother wouldn’t be in such a state were his words true. He dropped the subject though, and wrapped his arms gently around the two boys.

‘If your dad ever treats you or your brother badly, you have to pray straight to me,’ he insisted.

Dean nodded in understanding. ‘I will, Cas. I promise. Sammy, that goes to you too.’

Sam nodded too. ‘Dad’s gonna be back soon, isn’t he?’

‘Yeah,’ sighed Dean.

‘Is he still gonna be angry?’

‘I dunno, Sam. We’ll see.’

Cas placed his hands on their foreheads gently and told them to keep still. He felt the power flow through him as he left protective sigils in Enochian on the boys’ ribs, where they wouldn’t be seen. ‘You should be safe from your dad now.’

‘Thanks, Cas,’ Dean smiled weakly, still holding onto Sam like a lifeline.

‘You're welcome, both of you.’ Cas stood up again reluctantly. ‘I have to return to Heaven. I’ll come and check on you whenever it’s possible,’ he promised.

‘Okay,’ frowned the two Winchesters.

Cas looked at them sadly once more before flying back up to the sky. He regretted leaving them alone, but what else could he do? He’d interfered with fate enough where the Winchesters were concerned already, and if it got too out of hand, then his brothers would surely smite him. And he couldn’t let that happen. Someone had to watch over the two Winchester boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. On hiatus until my exams are over on the 20th June, because I have no time to do anything other than schoolwork anymore.
> 
> Sorry it's so late, I only recently got the new laptop charger I needed.


	21. Chapter 21

Castiel keeps watch over Dean and Sam from Heaven, making sure they’re safe. The sigils on their ribs work, and John eventually stops trying to beat them. That doesn’t mean he stops the verbal abuse though. Cas listens as he calls his sons all sorts of derogatory terms, hating the man even more each time it happened.

He flew down to Earth on a night, when the Winchesters were fast asleep, and sat watching over Dean, making sure nothing happened to him. He was always gone before anyone woke up though; he didn’t want to be caught and have to awkwardly explain what he was doing.

* * *

Castiel watched Dean on his sixteenth birthday. He should have been happy, out with friends. But he was busy on a hunt, and had to take care of Sam. Sam gave him a homemade card, blazoned with colours that read “Happy 16th Birthday Dean!”. Dean grinned as he read it and pulled Sam into a hug.

‘Sorry I couldn’t get you a present,’ Sam frowned.

‘I got the best present I could ever have,’ Dean assured him. ‘My wonderful baby bro.’

I’m not a baby anymore, Dean,’ Sam said in a deadpan tone. ‘I’m twelve.’

‘You’ll always be a baby to me,’ grinned the elder brother.

 

Castiel flew down later in the night, when Dean was asleep. He accidentally stood on a creaky floorboard, and Dean started, awake and alert. He blinked a few times, eyes adjusting to the dark.

‘Cas?’ he whispered.

Castiel stood like a deer in headlights. ‘Hello Dean.’

‘What are you doing here?’

The angel looked around, avoiding eye contact. ‘I was just making sure you were safe.’

‘I’m fine,’ Dean assured him defensively. ‘Where’ve you been?’

‘Busy in Heaven,’ Cas admitted, looking down at his feet. ‘I watched over you. Every night. You were asleep, but I was there.’

Dean studied him for a while before tapping the space on the bed beside him. ‘Come sit down.’

Castiel obliged, sitting beside the Winchester. Dean turned so they were facing each other, looking at Castiel’s face intently.

Cas opened his mouth to say something, but all thought of such words were lost as Dean leaned forward and placed their lips together. They stayed still for a few seconds, both of them too shocked by Dean’s actions to do anything. Then Dean drew back and turned away.

They stayed in silence for a while, tension building between them. Eventually, Dean cleared his throat and asked, ‘How’s Gabriel?’

The question alarmed Cas; surely he would have wanted to talk about what had just happened. But he answered it anyway. ‘He’s gone AWOL. No one’s quite sure where he is. He disappeared not long after the Abaddon incident.’

‘Oh right.’

Castiel stood up.

‘Cas, don’t go,’ Dean said quickly. ‘Stay with me. Please.’

Castiel cautiously sat back down again, looking at Dean intently.

‘Lie with me like you did when we were younger.’

Castiel shifted so he was laid out on the bed, and waited until Dean got sufficiently close enough to wrap his wings around the human’s frame. He realised his wings were visible, and blushed.

They didn’t say anything more, Dean falling asleep in Cas’ embrace eventually.

 

Castiel was gone before Dean woke up.


	22. Chapter 22

Castiel flew back to Heaven, burying himself in work to distract him from thinking about how good it was when Dean kissed him.  He kept an eye on the Winchesters, but nothing much happened. Dean taught Sam about hunting while John ganked the monsters his son was learning about. Dean joined in on a werewolf hunt once, and Castiel got concerned, but Dean and his father handled the situation well.

He watched as Dean lost all the food money in a poker game, and was caught stealing. He would have gone to help, but it felt awkward, so he stayed until Dean called him.

Dean didn’t call for him.

Instead, the Winchester went to a boy’s home and was given a chance at a normal life. Castiel watched as he went to school, made new friends, and joined the wrestling team.

Castiel knew that John knew where Dean was, but the eldest Winchester did nothing about it. Dean knew it too, but looking at him, Castiel thought he didn’t mind.

Cas watched as Dean talked to a young girl his age on the couch at the boy’s home. How he talked about not wanting to go into the family business, and wanted to be a mechanic; thoughts he had never shared with Cas even though they were best friends. He watched as the girl, Robin, leant in and kissed Dean. With the action comes a stab of physical pain in Castiel’s heart, and he fought back the tears building in his eyes.

Dean promised Robin he’d never leave her, and Castiel couldn't bear it anymore. The aching in his heart was immense and he felt as though he’d fallen from grace, even though he was still in Heaven. He wanted to fly down and kiss Dean, tell the human that he belonged to Castiel and Castiel only, but he couldn’t do that, because she made him happy and that was what Cas wanted more than anything; Dean’s happiness.

And then John came for Dean, the night of the dance that Cas knew he’d been anticipating, looking forward to. Castiel had been so envious of Robin, who got to kiss Dean as she liked, got to hold him and dance with him. He couldn’t explain it even if he wanted to, he just hated how guilty it made him feel.

Sonny, the owner of the boy’s home, told Dean he could say no, but Cas knew that Dean would give everything up for Sam. Sam was with John in the impala, and Dean looked at him and crumbled. He left the home with his dad and little brother, and Cas wondered how he could be so selfless. He then wondered if Dean would ever do the same for him. Pushing the thought from his mind, he continued working on answering the prayers of others, trying not to let thoughts of Dean Winchester consume him whole.


	23. Chapter 23

Castiel watched over the Winchesters like he had promised, even though sometimes it hurt to see Dean. He watched as their father enrolled them in a school during a hunt. Dean didn’t bother this time, not with any of it. Castiel wondered, and bitterly at that, if that was because there was no Robin there to impress. He watched the older Winchester brother bunk off school, as well as get himself another girlfriend. Another replacement for Castiel.

This one was called Amanda, and they seemed pretty serious. She asked him to meet her parents, but Dean didn’t want to. _Maybe he’s not as in love with her as it first appears_ , Castiel pondered.

Then Dean was caught cheating on her with some other girl, and their relationship was over. The angel wondered why the Winchester acted the way he did, kissing other girls as though it were nothing and not working. Amanda had said it was a front for his ‘pathetically sad loneliness.’ But Dean wasn’t alone. He hadn’t been alone since the day Castiel first met him. Surely Dean knew that?

Sam Winchester was faring well too. He had had some conflict with a bully, and Castiel had thought to step in, before deciding against meddling further into human affairs where he did not appear to be needed.

They left the school, eventually, moving on to another town, another case. Another chance for Dean to hook up with more girls, more replacements. It was as though he was trying to get through as many different people as possible, to wipe the imprint of Castiel’s lips from his own. But why would he do that? Was he ashamed?

Castiel flew down to Earth one night when Dean was alone, giving Sam advice on how to talk to girls.

‘Hello Dean.’

The other boy turned around to face him. ‘Jesus, Cas. It’s been a while,’ he said awkwardly.

Castiel looked him over. He looked different in person, more tired. ‘Yes.’

‘How have you been?’

‘Are you ashamed of me, Dean?’ Castiel asked, ignoring the question directed at him.

‘What? Why?’

‘You kiss all these other girls like you kissed me, but more,’ Cas explained. ‘Are you trying to forget me?’

‘No, Cas,’ Dean said. ‘I just… What we did should never have happened. I took advantage of you, and I’m sorry for that.’

‘But Dean-’

‘Drop it, Cas.’

Castiel stopped and looked at the floor forlornly. Then, with a flutter of his wings, he teleported back to Heaven.

Dean prayed to him, prayed for him to come back , to talk. Castiel didn’t want to. So he didn’t. He went to Balthazar to check on the garrison, and then he went to ask if Gabriel had been spotted anywhere. the archangel was still missing, and Castiel wondered if he should pray for help. He tried it, desperately, but got no answer. The other angel was the only one he could go and talk to, and as he wasn’t there, Castiel had to suffer alone.


	24. Chapter 24

A few months later, after Dean had stopped calling for Castiel and Cas had once again started to look down on the Winchesters, Dean went on a solo hunt for a werewolf. Castiel watched over him, as he always did, because he had promised to do so. He expected the Winchester to find some other girl to pass his spare time with, but this time that wasn’t what happened.

Dean called Cas down to earth one night. He sounded desperate, and so Castiel flew down to see him, appearing in his old human form at the end of the hunter’s motel bed. ‘Hello Dean.’

‘Cas,’ Dean said, surprised, ‘you came.’

‘You sounded like you needed me.’

‘I always need you, Cas,’ Dean said. ‘You’re my best friend.’ He patted the space next to him on the bed.

Castiel approached him warily, mind fixed on what had happened last time Dean had made that motion. ‘Why did you call me?’

‘I wanted to talk to you,’ Dean explained lowly. ‘I’m sorry about what happened, I… I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry that I said it should never have happened, because that was a lie. I’m really glad it did happen, actually, I was just confused and conflicted but Cas, I want…’ he sighed. ‘I want you.’

Dean leaned in to kiss him but Cas pulled away. ‘I do not understand.’

The Winchester sighed and looked down, composing himself before looking back up, meeting Cas’ electric blue eyes with his own green ones. ‘I lied, and I’m sorry. I’m not ashamed of you or anything, and I’m sorry if it seemed that way.’

Castiel nodded slowly, and shifted closer. Dean placed his hand on the angel’s cheek, and when Cas didn’t pull back from the touch, Dean took it as a sign of consent and slowly leaned in to kiss Castiel. Cas let him do so, revelling in the feeling of Dean’s lips on his again after so long.

They continued kissing as Dean slowly pulled Castiel closer by the edges of his trench coat. Cas let himself be moved and adjusted, and was so caught up in the taste of Dean, _his_ Dean, that he hadn’t realised he was lying on the centre of the bed until Dean began to unbutton his shirt.

‘Dean, what are you doing?’ Castiel asked uncertainly. He had seen Dean do this before, with girls, but he didn’t understand why the Winchester would be doing it now, would want to engage in such acts with him.

‘I told you I want you,’ Dean said. He pulled back slightly. ‘You don’t mind, do you?’

Castiel looked up at him; bright green eyes shining in the barely lit motel room, brown-blonde hair meticulously styled, full pink lips wet from kissing. Of course he wanted it. He shook his head. ‘I want you too, Dean.’ And he meant it.

Dean captured the angel’s lips in his own again and continued undressing, first himself and then Cas. Cas let Dean take the lead, shifting whenever it was needed so that their cloths could be removed.

The Winchester never stopped kissing him, lips all over the angel’s pale skin. ‘Cas,’ he whispered, and a shiver ran down Castiel’s spine because never before had his name been said like that, as though it was anything anyone had ever known. The way Dean said it, with such awe and reverence made him feel warm and his skin felt as though it had been passed through by a thousand tiny warm flares of his angelical grace.


	25. Chapter 25

After their first night of intimacy, Dean continued to call Cas down from Heaven instead of getting with random girls he met on solitary hunts. Cas knew it was wrong, and that angels shouldn’t copulate with humans or get too close, but he couldn’t say no to Dean. He wished Gabriel was still around; he could use his brother’s guidance on the subject.

Castiel was happy, until Lisa Braeden came into the picture.

Dean said he was going on a road trip; ‘5 states, 5 days.’ Castiel had expected Dean would call him down to earth as usual, but that wasn’t what happened. Instead, Dean spent most of those five days in Lisa’s loft. Cas had watched as the two met at a café in the first state Dean was supposed to be touring. They shared coffee and talked, and then Dean invited her to dinner. Even though the mere thought of Dean with anyone other than him hurt him, he couldn’t stop watching until the two humans were undressing each other frantically between heated kisses.

Dean’s betrayal hurt Cas, and he felt that awful feeling once more, as though his grace was being ripped right out of him. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do, what it meant. Dean had said he wasn’t ashamed of Cas, and they had made love, so why would the Winchester do that?

On the last night of Dean’s “trip”, he prayed to Castiel. ‘Err, Cas? Look, we need to talk. I’m assuming you saw that, and I want to explain. Please.’

‘You have exactly one minute to explain,’ Cas said venomously, appearing in front of Dean.

‘That’s not fair!’

‘Your time is running out.’

‘Fine,’ Dean growled. ‘Look, I know you probably feel hurt right now-’

‘An understatement.’

‘-but I swear, I didn’t mean to hurt you.’

‘You said you wanted me, and then you slept with someone else,’ Cas said.

‘I never said we were mutually exclusive,’ Dean said in protest.

Castiel grabbed the front of Dean’s shirt and pulled him up so he was standing before pinning him to the wall beside him. ‘You never said we weren’t together either,’ Cas pointed out, voice rumbling. Storm clouds gathered around the motel Dean was in, blocking sunlight from the windows. Dean looked at Cas defiantly. ‘You made me believe you cared. But you didn’t, did you? You didn’t care about me at all.’

‘Cas, stop playing the victim,’ Dean sighed.

Castiel pressed Dean harder against the wall. ‘Don’t you dare tell me what to do, _boy._ How could you do that to me?’

‘Well I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously-’

‘Are you joking?’ the angel scoffed, turning his head to the side before looking back at Dean. ‘I came to you all those times when I didn’t need to, I did everything for you. I could have just left you.’

‘Well why didn’t you?’

‘Because everything I do is for you, Dean!’ Cas shouted. ‘Everything.’ His voice went quiet.

‘Why? Did you fall in love with me?’ Dean said, voice mocking. Cas looked at him, eyes filling with tears he tried vainly to fight. ‘You did, didn’t you?’

Castiel droped his arms and moved away from the other man. ‘Cas, I-’

‘Spare it, Dean,’ Cas said with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes. He flew up to Heaven and only just managed to block out Dean’s calls. He felt heartbroken, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

He wished Gabriel was there.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know how John Winchester is an abusive asshole? Well that comes into play in this chapter. And probably the next couple too. Bruises are mentioned, but that's mainly it for now. I just wanted to warn you in advance, just in case.

After the events with Lisa – Dean’s betrayal, in Cas’ eyes – Castiel did not return to Earth. He didn’t go when Dean called him down, begging for more time to explain, for forgiveness. He had learned to block the Winchester’s voice from his mind, and continued on with his Heavenly duties; granting small miracles, and leading the garrison in case there was any peace that needed to be revived. Castiel had never understood the concept of fighting for peace; surely it was counterproductive. But he continued on with it; disobedience and free will all brought with them scary consequences, as had been proved by Lucifer.

Just under a year later, Dean’s voice echoed in Castiel’s head again. ‘Cas? I need your help.’

Castiel was going to ignore it, as usual, but there was something about the tone that made him stop.

‘It’s Sam. Cas, I don’t know where he’s gone, I’ve lost him. He’s been gone for two weeks now, and there’s no sign of him anywhere.’ Dean swore. ‘Cas, please. Please help me.’

Castiel appeared in front of Dean in the Winchester’s motel room just as he had done many times before. He looked around; it was another dingy, low-rate place. Then he looked at Dean again. Purple bruises stood out in stark contrast to the boy’s pale face. Cas was hit with a sharp pang of hurt; no matter what had happened, he had promised to protect Dean. He had failed.

Dean smiled at him. ‘Hey, Cas. Thank you for the help.’

Castiel nodded, unable to draw his eyes from the Winchester’s left eye, which was puffed up so much that it only offered a slit of visibility, the flesh all around it almost black. Dean seemed to notice where the attention was being directed and shuffled uncomfortably, looking down at his boots. ‘I was supposed to look after him, and I failed. I got what I deserved.’

‘You don’t really believe that do you?’ Castiel asked, shocked, as he moved forward cautiously. He was stood right in front of the other boy before his eyes were met with familiar green ones. Gently, he raised his hand to press it against the side of Dean’s cheek. Dean flinched from the touch, and Cas dropped his hand.

‘Don’t. I don’t want your healing. I just need you to help me find Sam.’

‘And when you find him, do you want him to see you like this? What would he say?’

Dean thought about it for a moment, before sighing and looking down. ‘He would hate dad even more than he already seems to.’

Castiel looked around. ‘Where is he?’

‘Dad? He’s probably out at a bar somewhere, getting drunk out if his mind,’ Dean said, voice loaded with barely concealed resentment. Castiel did not understand his unwavering loyalty to such a dreadful father figure.

He raised his hand again, and this time Dean did not argue as he was healed by the angel. When they were done, he looked up at Cas again. ‘Come with me.’

Castiel nodded and Dean got up and walked out after him. They got to the impala and Dean pulled keys from his pocket, then they both climbed in. Dean turned the keys in the ignition and the engine rumbled to life. They drove away in silence.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, this update is long overdue!
> 
> I've been amazingly lazy over the holidays and then college started and I am literally buried under work, and have had no time to write anything. Ew. But hopefully I'll be writing more now that I'm getting into the routine of things, so yeah. I'm sorry it was so late.

The first few minutes of the drive passed in a tense silence, until Cas asked, ‘Where are you taking me?’

Dean turned to look at him for a long second before looking back at the road. ‘Somewhere safe; away from my dad. He’ll see the missing car, think I’ve gone looking for Sam, and won’t question it. It’ll be fine.’

Castiel didn’t ask again, and the matter was dropped. They went silent again.

‘I’m sorry,’ Dean said. ‘I never realised.’

‘I hoped you felt the same way,’ Cas admitted quietly. ‘It was stupid of me.’

Dean didn’t say anything. Castiel assumed it was because he didn’t know what to say. The rest of the journey passed in silence, until they reached a lookout point over a river, and Dean parked the car in the empty space.

Castiel looked out through the windows. Dean did the same.

‘It’s not much, but it’s away from dad, so I thought we could stay here.’

‘Did you bring your latest girlfriend here too?’

Dean sighed and looked down. ‘No. I suppose you haven’t been keeping up with my life; since Lisa, I haven’t had anyone else.’

Castiel turned to look at him. ‘Why?’  he asked quietly. ‘Did you fall in love with her?’

Even though he didn’t want to hear that perhaps _yes_ , Dean has fallen in love with someone other than him, he wanted, for once, to know what the Winchester was truly feeling.

‘She was different,’ Dean eventually said. ‘The others, they were great and all, but I’d never had that sort of connection with anyone else. Other than you,’ he quickly added.

Castiel sat and took in the words. So was he being clumped with Lisa now, just a notch better than all the countless other girls Dean had slept with? Did Dean love both of them or neither of them? He prided Lisa on getting him to talk straight about his feelings because to Castiel, everything he was hearing sounded like riddles warped beyond comprehension.

When it became obvious Castiel wasn’t going to answer, Dean changed the subject. ‘I need you to help me find Sam.’

‘That’s what I came down here to do.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘For what, Dean?’

‘Leading you on.’

Castiel nodded. Took an unnecessary breath in. Exhaled. ‘I forgive you.’

Dean nodded, and when Cas looked over, there was the ghost of a smile playing on the boy’s lips. ‘Thank you.’ He paused. ‘Cas?’

‘Dean.’

‘I don’t tell people I love them. Ever. Because it puts them in danger. And I hurt them.’ Another pause. ‘But you do mean a lot to me.’

‘Thank you.’ Castiel looked down at his pale white hands. They were trembling slightly.

Dean nodded again, probably to acknowledge that his admonishment had been accepted.

‘You should get some sleep,’ Castiel said.

‘Yeah,’ Dean agreed, before crawling into the backseat of the impala. ‘Come with? I promise you, Cas, I won’t try anything.’

Castiel considered it, then climbed after the Winchester into the backseat. Dean smiled gently as Castiel sat stiffly on the backseat. Dean leaned against him, carefully judging to see whether the contact was accepted. Cas let him, and Dean fell asleep not long after. Cas wrapped his wings – invisible at the time – around the other boy's frame to protect him.


	28. Chapter 28

Castiel woke up before Dean. He moved away from the other boy and got out of the car. He wanted to sit on top of the roof and watch the sun come up. It had always been one of his favourite sights.

Dean found him there several hours later. ‘Cas? How long have you been sat up here?’

‘Not long,’ Castiel said blankly. Dean climbed up beside him.

‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ Cas asked the Winchester.

‘Yeah,’ Dean nodded. ‘Sam would love it too.’

‘We will find him Dean, don’t worry.’

‘You carved those sigils on our ribs, right?’ Dean asked, remembering that night when their father had beaten them and he had asked Cas to come and help him. The angel really did do anything for him.

‘Yes.’

‘Can you use those?’

Castiel nodded slowly. ‘You were children, and I needed to keep an eye on you. I made sure you were protected and that I could find you even if you weren’t praying.’

‘And they still work?’

‘They’re permanent, so yes, they would still work,’ Castiel said.

Dean looked at him. ‘So you can use them to find Sam?’

The angel nodded again.

‘Will you?’

Cas closed his eyes. He took a deep breath in, which was unnecessary, but helped him stay focused. Dean stayed silent as Cas used his grace to try and locate Sam. It took a few minutes before Castiel found the runes inscribed on the younger Winchester’s ribs. They were sending out small bursts of energy, which only he’d pick up.

‘I’ve found him,’ Cas said.

Dean looked at him hopefully. ‘Where is he?’

‘Get in the car,’ Cas said as he climbed off the roof.

Dean did as he was told and shut the door behind him. Cas got in at the same time, and they drove off together, Cas telling Dean where to go.

* * *

Dean got out of the car when they reached the abandoned house Cas had directed them to and stormed up to the door. ‘Sam!’ he called out as he banged his fist against the wood.

Light footsteps made their way to the door. ‘Dean?’ a small voice called out as the door was opened partway, stopped by a chain.

‘Sammy,’ Dean sighed in relief. ‘Thank god I found you, what the hell are you doing? Come on, let me in.’

Sam looked beyond his brother at the angel. ‘Hi Cas. Are you coming in too?’

Castiel looked at Dean.

‘Yeah, Cas’ll come in too,’ the eldest Winchester said.

‘Okay,’ Sam said, nodding. He closed the door, and the sound of the chain being taken off the door sounded before the door was reopened wider.

Dean went in first, closely followed by the angel accompanying him.


	29. Chapter 29

Castiel looked around the house as he walked in. It seemed small, but looked comfortable. There was pizza and beers on the table in the room directed them to, as well as empty packets of Funyuns and bottles of Mr Pibb. One of the walls was decorated with several postcards from different places. Castiel thought it had a homely feel. As Sam entered the room a Labrador came and jumped up at the younger Winchester, licking his face.

‘Hi Bones!’ Sam said. ‘We have visitors, look!’ he turned to Dean. ‘I found him in the backyard alone, and there isn’t another house nearby, so I invited him in and he wanted to stay, so he did.’

‘This is where you’ve been all this time?’ Dean asked incredulously. ‘Me and dad have been worried sick about you.’

‘I was fine, Dean,’ Sam said slowly.

‘I can see that,’ the elder brother said.

Sam turned to Cas. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Dean called me down when you didn’t turn up after two weeks,’ Castiel explained shortly. ‘He was worried about you.’

‘I know, I can see that.’

‘Come on, Sam,’ Dean said.

‘What?’

‘We’re going back to dad, he needs to know you’re safe.’

‘Dean, please no.’ Sam’s voice was so quiet at first Cas didn’t think Dean could hear it.

Dean turned to look at his brother, who, even though he was tall for his age, had managed to make himself look so much younger than 16. ‘I know, Sammy,' Dean said gently. 'But we have to, or he’ll get worse.’

Castiel thought about it for a minute before realising he had an answer. ‘I can make your father forget you were ever gone. Then he won’t want to hurt you.’

Sam looked at him, eyes bright with hope. ‘You can do that?’

The angel nodded. ‘It might not work as well as Gabriel’s, but this is something much smaller, so it shouldn’t make much difference.’

‘Okay,’ Sam nodded as he turned to Dean. ‘I’ll come with you. On one condition.’

* * *

Dean drove for an hour in the opposite way he was supposed to be heading so that Sam could drop Bones off at an animal shelter. He hated having dogs in the car, Cas could tell, because Cas was sitting shotgun and Dean ground his teeth for the duration of the journey, not even singing along to Led Zeppelin when it played on the radio station they were tuned into.

Eventually, they got the dog dropped off safely and drove back to the motel.

Cas stood outside the doorway, making sure John Winchester was in there and asleep before he went in with Dean and Sam. He pressed two of his fingers to the hunter’s head, editing his memories of the past two weeks. He turned to Sam when it was done.

‘Just pretend nothing happened, and you’ve been here the last two weeks.’

‘Shall do,’ Sam smiled. ‘Thank you so much, Cas.’

‘Yeah, thanks Cas,’ Dean said, smiling too.

‘You’re both welcome.’

Castiel didn’t say goodbye as he flew off to Heaven.

* * *

Sam turned to look at Dean. ‘What happened between you two?’

‘You don’t even want to know,’ Dean replied.


	30. Chapter 30

Castiel heard Dean calling him, even though he pretended he didn’t for the first half hour. Dean’s prayers started getting more and more boisterous, anything to elicit a response from the angel. Eventually, Cas couldn’t focus on anything else and flew down to join Dean on Earth. He joined Dean in the front of the Impala, overlooking the sunset on a cliff face.

‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ Dean asked as he turned in his seat to look at Cas.

‘Yes, the setting of the sun is very beautiful,’ Cas agreed, slightly awestruck at his Father’s creations.

‘I was talking about you,’ the Winchester said, ‘but the sun is pretty hot too.’

‘Of course, its surface temperature is 9,941 degrees Fahrenheit,’ the angel said.

Dean sighed, smiling. ‘I’ve missed you, Cas.’

‘I’ve missed you too, Dean.’

‘Thank you for helping me with Sam.’ Dean looked down at his hands where they were placed on his lap. ‘I know you didn’t have to, and I probably don’t deserve help, not after everything I did, so thanks.’

‘I promised I’d protect you,’ Cas said simply. He still carried the guilt, of letting John abuse his sons, like shackles, and he was willing to do just about anything to be free of the feeling. _This isn’t supposed to happen to angels._

‘I remember.’ Castiel turned to look at Dean. He’d grown so much from the boy he’d been when Cas had first met him, and yet he was still the same helpless child, despite being 20 years old. ‘Where did you go, Cas?’

Castiel shook his head. Remembered how Dean had looked when John found out Sam was gone. He couldn’t believe he’d let that happen. His magic was supposed to be permanent, stronger than time, especially stronger than the fist of John Winchester. But Dean had still been hurt, which Cas had promised to protect him against. ‘Dean, I’m sorry. I couldn’t bear to see you with all those girls.’

‘Cas, all you had to do was say and I’d have stopped,’ Dean said softly.

‘Would you have though? Would you have been able to do that?’

Dean paused. Cas had been expecting as much. ‘It’s fine, Dean. I know you.’

‘Cas…’ Dean moved forward to kiss him, probably, but Cas pulled back.

‘Please don’t do this to me again. I can’t.’

Dean nodded. ‘Okay.’

‘I’m sorry my sigils didn’t work,’ Cas said.

‘No worries,’ Dean said. ‘I deserved what I got. I hurt you, and I didn’t protect Sammy. Something was bound to happen.’

‘When did they stop working, do you know?’

Dean thought about it. ‘Can’t say for sure,’ he replied eventually. ‘About a month ago.’

‘And your father’s been hurting you since then?’

‘No, Cas, it’s fine-’

‘No, Dean, it isn’t, I should have been there to protect you, and-’

Dean leaned forward and kissed the angel, effectively shutting him up. ‘It’s fine, Cas,’ he said once they broke off.

Cas felt tears forming in his eyes. ‘Dean…’

‘You have to go, right?’

‘I’ll be back soon,’ Cas said before he disappeared from the Impala’s passenger seat.


	31. Chapter 31

Castiel flew up to Mary’s Heaven, standing at the side-lines where she wouldn’t spot him. He watched as she danced around the space, surrounded by her memories of Dean at the different stages of his life she’d experienced, interacting with them all whilst beaming. She really was beautiful.

_Dean’s birth, and Mary sobbing joyously over her first child. Them being discharged from hospital and coming back to their house to set Dean up in his nursery, sending him to sleep and telling him, ‘angels are watching over you.’ Dean waking her up in the middle of the night for the first time._

_Dean’s first word, and Mary almost cried as she heard the word ‘mom’ come from his mouth._

_Dean’s first steps, as he walked towards her, away from John, and how Mary wished that it could have continued that way, away from what John would draw him and Sam into._

_Dean’s first day of day-care, when she walked him to school, and Dean’s grip on her hand was tight from nerves, and he cried as he said goodbye to her that morning. Then when she returned to pick him up, and he ran into her arms and told her excitedly about his new friends and his new teacher, who he pointed out among the crowd._

_Dean’s first birthday party when he turned four years old, where he invited his friends round from day-care, who trashed the house and completely tired her and John out. Cuddling with Dean and singing ‘Hey Jude’ to him as he fell asleep in her arms that same evening._

_And Sam’s birth, and how excited Dean was when he found out he was going to be a big brother, and the awestruck look on his face as he looked at Sam resting in his mother’s arms._

_Dean helped her put Sam to bed, and cheered her up when she and John had had a dispute, and he made sure that Sam was looked after, which was all Kate ever wanted; for her two sons to be okay._

A hand touched Cas on his shoulder and he turned around. He faced Michael, and Castiel immediately looked down.

‘What are you doing here, brother?’

‘I…’

‘Castiel, you cannot interfere with the Winchesters,’ Michael said. ‘We need them.’

‘I know.’

‘So you won’t come here again, am I correct?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good.’ Michael looked at Cas, seemed to notice his melancholy. ‘I know we were instructed to love all humans, but you have to avoid them. We can’t untangle the strings of destiny. We must accept them and move on.’

Castiel nodded, agreeing. Michael was right, of course, but Castiel couldn’t help himself. He’d watched the Winchesters grow, of course he cared for them. He couldn’t leave them, not when he knew what awful conditions they were in.

‘Castiel,’ Michael said before he left. ‘If I hear of you being with either of them again after today, I’ll remove both your memories and theirs. I am sorry, but this is the way it has to be.’

Castiel nodded again, but Michael had already left. He was glad Michael had done it himself; it would have felt worse if other angels knew. But he still felt hollowed out inside from the words.


	32. Chapter 32

Castiel flew down to Earth for what he thought was the last time; the last time he would see Dean Winchester, at least. Dean was where Cas left him, even though at least a day has passed.

‘You came back this time,’ Dean said, smiling.

‘I had to say goodbye,’ Castiel whispered quietly.

The smile dropped from Dean’s face. ‘What do you mean, “goodbye”?’

‘I can’t come down again,’ the angel replied vaguely.

‘Well why not?’

‘Things came up. I’ve been advised to stay away from you. I’ve been told my involvement in your life is beyond my call of duty.’

‘But what if I don’t want you to go?’ Dean asked.

‘I don’t want to go either, but if I don’t, they’ll make both of us forget. Sam too.’

Dean paused. ‘You mean, I’d forget all about you? I wouldn’t even know who you were?’

Cas nodded.

‘And you wouldn’t know who I was?’

‘Not in the way that I do, no,’ Cas confirmed solemnly.

Dean moved forward and pulled Cas into a hug, and the angel let him. ‘I shouldn’t even be here right now.’

‘I must be pretty special then,’ Dean commented, trying to make the angel laugh, but Cas pulled back to look at him seriously.

‘You mean everything to me, Dean. I’m sorry for everything that happened, for not looking after you when I should have.’

‘It’s fine, Cas.’

‘Dean, I love you.’

And this time Dean said it back, without hesitation, because this was his last chance to ever see Castiel in person. ‘I love you too, Cas. I know it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but I have done for so long.’

Cas felt the tears fall from his eyes, and he held Dean even tighter, not wanting to let go, not now, not ever.

‘Cas, I don’t want you to go,’ Dean said, voice breaking at the final sentence, and Cas looked up to see that the Winchester was crying too. Cas reached a hand to wipe the tears away.

‘It’ll be okay, Dean,’ Castiel promised. ‘I’ll watch over you still. Just from a distance. So don’t go getting yourself into trouble, okay?’

‘I’ll try my damnedest not to,’ the hunter replied. ‘I’m so grateful for everything you’ve given me.’

‘It was my pleasure,’ Castiel replied, because of course it had been. He’d given everything to Dean, and he just wished it could have been more.

‘If circumstances had been different…’ Cas began, trailing off uncertainly.

‘Yeah,’ Dean agreed, nodding as though he knew what Cas meant.

Castiel reluctantly pulled away, trying to extract himself from Dean’s arms, but Dean pulled him back so they were pressed firm against each other, looking into each other’s eyes, conveying thoughts they’d never be able to put into words. Dean leaned forward and kissed him, and Castiel kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck so he could be closer, because nothing would ever be too close to Dean anymore.

‘I need to go,’ Cas whispered, breaking the illusion of safety and happiness.

Dean nodded, let his arms fall away from the angel’s frame.

‘Goodbye, Dean.’

‘Bye, Cas.’


	33. Chapter 33

Castiel made sure to keep his distance from the Winchesters but still watched over them from Heaven. The angels were right; emotions were the doorway to doubt, because Cas was sure if there was anywhere in this universe he was Created to be, it was by Dean’s side. Doubt sowed its first seed in Cas’ brain, and he felt the pull of rebellion, for a _better cause_. For Dean.

Dean was 23 when Sam left him and John for Stanford. Dean prayed to Castiel that night, from the safety of the Impala while John got drunk in a local bar.

_Cas, Sam’s gone. I don’t know if you’re watching, but he left for college. I don’t know if you have your angel ears on, or whether or not you know what’s happening down here right now, but I could really do with seeing you. I know you can’t, and that’s fine, but know that I miss you._

Castiel missed Dean too, so much. He’d give anything to see the Winchester one more time, to wrap his arms around the man’s frame in a gesture of comfort and care. But he can’t, because if he does, Michael will make them both forget everything they’ve been through. And Castiel does not want to forget.

Dean begins hunting alone, and John goes off on hunts without him. They always reconvene, but Dean sees more at ease seeing less of his father. He’s a more than capable hunter, but that doesn’t stop Castiel from sometimes worrying and fighting the urge to fly down to Heaven when it looks like the odds are stacked against Dean too high to be knocked down. But Dean always makes it through, always fires a quick prayer to Cas at the end of a really tiring hunt, and even though the whole of the garrison can hear it, Castiel doesn’t worry too much, because he hasn’t interfered with Dean, not even gone down to Earth physically since their last goodbye.

Castiel follows his orders to the mark, because, in the end, he is a good soldier. He doesn’t tread the line that separates him from Dean, because he knows that when he does, it’s game over. And there’s nothing he wants more than to be able to keep his memories of Dean. Castiel has watched the Winchester grow from a boy to a man, and somewhere along the way he fell in love, and as painful as it was, he doesn’t regret it, no matter what he may say or how he may act.

He feels alone; Gabriel has left him, he can no longer talk to his best friend, and none of the other angels would understand what he was experiencing. Angels are unfeeling, of course. Castiel was the exception. But then, Castiel had always been an exception. Since the start, he had been more feeling, more merciful than his brothers. More human. He empathises with humanity, a trait not shared by other angels, and one that alienates him.

Castiel misses Dean.


	34. Chapter 34

To begin with, Castiel doesn’t know how to feel when Dean meets Cassie. He expects Dean to move on at some point, obviously, but even though it’s been three whole years since they spoke (something that makes Castiel’s shoulders heavier every day) he still aches for the thought, the possibility that there’s space in Dean’s heart for him.

They meet on a hunt, as usual with Dean’s dates and girlfriends, and of course thing advance quickly. They’re important to each other, it’s obvious, and Dean is happy, so Castiel decides it’s a good thing he’s with Cassie.

Dean still hunts, and it’s obvious that it annoys Cassie. _She probably thinks he’s cheating on her_ , Cas thinks. _It’s not you he’s cheating on_ , his brain adds, and as much as he knows it isn't true, it’s how he feels.

There’s a blowout over it. Castiel sees it all. Dean comes back from a hunt with his dad, and Cassie’s waiting for him, hands pressed against her hips and her mouth a flat line. Dean stops like a deer caught in headlights, and even Cas can’t deny how guilty he looks.

‘Where were you?’ Cassie asks.

Dean’s face is torn; Cas knows the truth, but that’s because Cas is part of Dean’s life like that. But Dean never tells anyone about that part of him. He has to choose what to do.

Dean goes with the truth. He spills everything, being a hunter, the creatures he hunts with his dad, even Sam leaving. Cassie’s disbelief becomes more prominent in her face the more Dean explains. Cas can understand why she wouldn’t believe him, humans do have a hard time believing that monsters are real, that they are really in danger, but surely she knows Dean loves her and wouldn’t lie to her.

He offers to show her inside his duffel, where he has some stakes and holy oil and other weapons, but she doesn’t believe him, doesn’t want to see.

Dean’s face breaks as he realises she doesn’t believe him, asks if there’s anything he can do to make her believe him.

She insists there isn’t. ‘Dean, if you want to break up with me, just do it. There’s no point trying to protect my feelings or whatever it is you’re doing if you’re not happy.’

‘But I am happy, I swear, I’m not lying to you.’

‘You realise you sound crazy, right?’

‘I know, but why would I lie to you?’

‘I don’t know Dean, but that’s more feasible than some kids story about monster hunting.’

Dean looks hurt, as though her words delivered a worse blow than his father’s fists ever did. ‘Cassie…’

‘I can’t,’ she says, hands dropping from her hips, falling to her sides, palms facing him.

He takes a step closer, but she stops him. ‘Don’t.’

‘Okay.’

‘Dean, I can’t do this. If you’re going to insist it’s because it’s the reality of it, fine. But I can’t do it.’

The Winchester is shocked. ‘You’re breaking up with me?’

Cassie nods, tears in her eyes. ‘Goodbye, Dean.’

Dean’s shoulders are low as he walks to his Impala, bearing the burden of his loss. Cas wishes he could do something to help.


	35. Chapter 35

John leaves Dean again. Castiel watches as the young hunter works his jobs, making sure he doesn’t die, watches as Dean becomes more and more worried about his father, who won’t reply to any of his messages or phone calls. Dean’s worry gnaws at him, and Cas can see it even from above in Heaven. He prays to Cas to send him a message, and Castiel wishes he could, but Michael would know if he did and he can’t risk that. Castiel can’t risk forgetting.

He knows where John is. He’s almost certain he knows what the eldest Winchester is doing, where he is going. What he is hunting. The creature that killed Dean’s mother. Castiel doesn’t blame him, wants the creature that pushed Dean into this life, the life his mother did not ever want for him, punished.

Castiel watches as Dean looks for Sam, expecting his brother to jump in with him. Cas sees Sam’s reluctance. Sam is happy, with Jess. He doesn’t want to get involved. Castiel doesn’t blame him either.

‘Why can’t Cas help you?’ Sam asks. Dean’s face falls.

‘Cas is out, on mega big angel business. He can’t help me. I don’t have anyone.’

Castiel blinks away the tears that form when he hears Dean say that. Surely he doesn’t believe it, knows that Cas would do anything if he could, but he has no choice, really. His hands are tied. He was given orders, and he has no choice but to follow them. The itch for rebellion becomes prominent again, but Castiel pushes it down, deep inside him where he hopes it won’t be able to resurface from.

Sam and Dean go on their hunt. It goes well, which Cas is glad of. But something is wrong. He can sense it, he just doesn’t know what it is. It becomes apparent when Sam returns and Jess is on the ceiling of their room, just like his mother was all those years ago.

Castiel wishes he could have stopped it. He should have noticed, should have been smarter. The Winchesters, they’re cursed. Or so they believe. Everyone around them dies, or leaves. Castiel is in the second category. Only temporarily though. So he tells himself.

 _If only things had been different,_ Castiel thinks. _Me and Dean could have met in different circumstances. Had something proper, instead of what we have. I wouldn’t want to take away what we have, but I wish it was more. We could have met in a coffee shop, or at work. He’d have been a mechanic, fixed my car. Maybe asked for my number, asked me on a date. Dinner somewhere, and a kiss goodnight. Gone on from there. Maybe moved in together, who knows? Adopted a cat… the things we could have had… if only things had been different._

Castiel doesn’t know it, but Dean thinks a lot about the same kinds of things. He doesn’t want much; happiness for his brother, to remember his mother, and to have a normal happy life with someone he loves. With Castiel.


	36. Chapter 36

Cas watches as Dean and Sam find John, only to lose him again in the car crash. Dean was dying, and John saved his life by giving his own. If he hadn’t, Cas would have interfered, to hell with the consequences. He’d have spirited Dean somewhere, saved him, they could have lived together.

He’s wanted to do it since they first met, but hasn’t been brave enough. Hasn’t had the free will to be able to.

Castiel doesn’t see Dean and Sam fight the trickster, is caught up in other things involving his garrison. He doesn’t see Gabriel, who has been missing for 17 years.

He watches Sam get stabbed in the back, but doesn’t interfere. None of the angels do, not even Michael. No one helps Dean. Dean doesn’t pray to Cas for him to fix things, to bring Sam back. He finds his own way. Dean knows Castiel can’t interfere, surely he doesn’t take it personally? Cas wishes he could help Sam, feels bad because he knows if it were Dean, he would have tried anything. Cas watches as he kisses the demon, being told he has a year left before he gets pulled to Hell. Sam comes back to life. Castiel feels regret curl in a pit in his stomach.

He sees the battle against Azazel, the opening of the Gate to Hell, John Winchester’s soul returning (briefly) to help his boys, holding back the demon that killed his wife, exacting his revenge. Dean shooting Azazel square in the heart. He’s proud of the Winchester, wishes he could be fighting alongside him, but daren’t let John Winchester see (even if it is just the man’s soul). He also doesn’t want Azazel to know, because then Lucifer would find out, and that could prove disastrous.

There are so many rules and procedures that Heaven has which angels must adhere to, and Castiel doesn’t understand half of them. He doesn’t understand why people have to suffer, why angels can’t intervene. Why destiny is the supposed removal of free will, when surely free will is what makes destiny. Being able to choose your own path is what life should be about, surely. He should be able to go and speak and be with Dean Winchester without having to worry about some greater plan.

 _The little angel who could_.

Maybe this is his destiny. To forever be an outcast of Heaven, in love with a human.


	37. Chapter 37

Dean’s praying to him, and Castiel can’t fight it any more, he has to see the other man, has to try and help him. He flies down for Heaven, ignoring the nagging feeling at the back of his head about how _stupid_ he’s being. It is Dean, after all. And Dean is everything to him.

Dean’s sat on his bed at Bobby’s when Cas lands. Dean looks up at him, eyes wide and searching, mouth an ‘o’ of both resignation of his fate and a tiny splinter of hope.

The look on Dean’s face breaks Castiel’s heart.

‘Cas, please. Tell me there’s something you can do to save me.’ Castiel has never heard Dean beg like that before, except when it came to his brother.

Castiel casts his eyes up to the sky. ‘They’d know,’ he whispers, a tear forming in his eye. ‘We’d forget each other.’

Dean nods in understanding, biting his lip. ‘You’d better go, huh?’

Cas nods in reply. He doesn’t want to keep doing this, doesn’t want to keep saying goodbye.

‘I’ve missed you, buddy.’

‘I’ve missed you too, Dean.’

Dean pulls Castiel in for a hug and the angel lets him, wrapping his arms around Dean’s shoulders and pressing his face his chest, breathing in the smell of the Winchester. Dean gently directs his face up with a gentle hand on his cheek, and they kiss, slow and gentle, neither of them wanting to let go.

‘I’m sorry, Dean.’

‘It’s not your fault, Cas.’

They’re about to break apart when a sharp, high-pitched whine bursts out around them, and Dean covers his ears, grimacing. The room fills with a white light, impossibly bright, and Cas’ expression turns to one of horror as he recognises the archangel Michael.

‘Castiel, you disobeyed my orders.’ The archangel’s voice is strong, and Dean kneels on the ground, trying to stop his eardrums from bursting.

‘Please, no,’ Cas says in a voice that’s barely a whisper.

Michael presses bright fingers of electricity and light to Dean’s forehead, and the Winchester flinches before falling to the ground, unconscious. Castiel would interfere, but is too afraid to. He watches as Michael extracts each of Dean’s memories of him, from their first encounter to their first kiss, the first time they had sex, and the last time. All of their encounters over the past 19 years were erased.

Cas didn’t notice he was crying until there’s the taste of salt on his mouth, and he hates that he knows what’s going to happen next.

Michael turns to him, and Castiel concedes, walking forward as though he was walking to the gallows. And then everything is dark.

**

Castiel wakes up in Heaven. He wonders vaguely what happened, before realising he has duties to attend to. He goes to them immediately, not sparing a thought for any of the recent events. Other angels talk about Sam Winchester, Lucifer’s vessel, dying, and of his brother bringing him back to life by making a deal with a crossroads demon. Castiel doesn’t listen, because it isn’t his business.


	38. Chapter 38

The news erupts all over Heaven the moment it happens. _Michael’s vessel has gone to Hell_. It’s common knowledge among angels. Castiel hears about it too, and he wonders what the archangel’s going to do about the situation. Nothing like this has ever happened before; the closest was when Lucifer’s vessel, Sam Winchester, died, and Michael didn’t do anything about it, because he wasn’t meant to, and it would have meant that his brother could not fight him. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway; Dean Winchester interfered, the love between the two brothers pushing them from extreme to extreme in a bid to make sure neither of them were left alone in the cruel and unforgiving world around them. They knew Dean was going to Hell, but they didn’t interfere; destiny would make everything as it should be.

Until Dean wasn’t rescued, and the first seal was broken, and preparations had to be made for the inevitable fight between the two oldest archangels. _As it is on Heaven, so it shall be on Earth._

Castiel doesn’t expect Michael to pay attention to him, despite his rank. He’s gained a reputation in Heaven, stubborn and unyielding, willing to do anything he’s asked.

He’s on Earth when he’s called up to Heaven by Michael. He doesn’t know what the call is about, what the archangel wants to see him for, but he flies up to the Hall of Angels.

When he enters, Michael’s alone. He marches to the edge of the throne where the eldest archangel sits, looking up at his older brother, whose head is tilted to the side, regarding the younger angel with a look of curiosity.

‘By now, you’ll have heard the news about my vessel.’ He continues before Castiel has had a chance to acknowledge the information. ‘I need you fetch him for me.’

‘Why me?’ Castiel asks.

‘Because God commanded it.’

‘Has anyone else tried?’

Michael’s expression is blank, unchanging. ‘Yes, many. But none of them have succeeded.’

‘What makes you think I will be any different?’

‘You have a reputation.’

Castiel nods. ‘Alright.’ He’s not one to deny orders, especially not from God.

Michael nods him out of the room, and Castiel leaves immediately, flying towards Earth.

The wind pulls at his wings and he begins falling, plummeting towards the earth at a rapid rate. Lights from distant cities far below him grow brighter and brighter as he nears them, and he can hear the rumble of street cars, and if he doesn’t regulate his speed soon, he’ll crash. Crashing would leave him wounded, and he needs all his strength to pull the Righteous Man from his prison in Hell.

He’s less than ten feet from the ground as he rights himself, the wind catching behind his wings again so he regains balance, and he can focus on opening a gate to Hell, channelling his grace, allowing his every molecule to become one with those of the earth, spreading himself as microscopic vibrations within molecules, transferring himself through the earth and into Hell.


	39. Chapter 39

When Castiel first lays his hand on the Righteous man, raising him from Perdition, Castiel knows there’s something different about him. His handprint is imprinted into the Winchester’s shoulder, and he feels a strong connection with the man, even though they’ve never met or spoken. But Castiel has looked into the Winchester’s soul, seen it laid bare; the love for his brother, and mother, and family, the self-loathing, the hopes and aspirations, the angel has seen everything Dean has to show, and he has never seen anything so beautiful and yet so flawed that he is awestruck by humanity. He tries to show Dean his true form, but he almost burns out the Winchester’s eyes, almost renders him deaf, which would not have been good. So he assumes the body of Jimmy Novak, drawn to the vessel for reasons he cannot explain.

He calls to the Heavens that the Righteous Man has been saved, so loud that he thinks were he not an angel he would have permanently damaged his vocal cords.

He first goes to meet Dean, overestimating his landing and ending up on the roof of the barn he was summoned to. He had waited to be summoned, did not want to approach the Winchester and scare him (in hindsight, approaching him may have been less threatening than waiting). Castiel enters the barn, and the lights explode, even though he tries to contain his grace. He walks forward to the end of the barn, where the two men are cowering, and it’s easy to tell which is Dean, even from a distance; Castiel is drawn to his soul like a moth to a flame, the purity calling to him, drawing him closer.

The bullets do not stop him as he walks forth, and eventually the two hunters lower their guns, exchanging worried glances. Dean picks up a knife from the table near him. ‘Who are you?’

‘I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.’ Castiel thinks it is a sufficient reply, feels that Dean already knows who he is, due to the bond they have through Cas’ imprint, the ordeal Cas endured to find him and save him.

‘Yeah, thanks for that,’ and Dean doesn’t sound grateful, lunging forward to stab Castiel in the chest with the knife in his hand. When it doesn’t kill the angel, Dean’s face falls, and Castiel smiles as he pulls the knife from his body, because people have done that before (it’s a standard greeting, to be honest), and something about the Winchester humours him.

The other hunter tries to attack him from behind, but Cas has reflexes faster than lightning, and he stops the old hunter short, sending him to sleep before turning back to the Righteous Man.

‘We need to talk, Dean. Alone.’

Dean’s stare of disbelief sobers Castiel, and he no longer feels like smiling, and lets Dean surge forth to check on the other man.

‘Your friend is alive,’ Castiel assures Dean as he feels the other hunter glaring at him as he studies the spells on the paper.

‘Who are you?’

‘Castiel.’


	40. Chapter 40

‘Yeah, I figured that much. I mean, what are you?’ Dean’s voice is angry.

The angel turns to him, looking Dean in the eyes and hoping he is believed. ‘I’m an angel of the lord.’

They stare at each other, unspeaking, until Dean stands up and tells Castiel to ‘Get the hell out of here. There’s no such thing.’

‘This is your problem, Dean,’ Castiel says, knowing he speaks the truth that he learned from the man’s soul. ‘You have no faith.’

Castiel wonders how he can make the man before him believe the truth, and then it hits him; his wings. He calls a flash of lightning, spreading his wings so that their shadows manifest on the walls with each strike of lightning. He’s averse to letting people see his wings, but with Dean it feels natural.

‘Some angel you are,’ Dean says, and it hurts Castiel, deep inside, but he doesn’t quite understand why. ‘You burnt out that poor woman’s eyes.’

Castiel looks down; he regrets what he did, but he was doing it for Dean, really he was. ‘I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be overwhelming to humans. So can my real voice, but you already knew that.’

‘You mean the gas station and the motel,’ the Winchester asks. ‘That was you talking?’

The angel nods.

‘Buddy, next time lower the volume.’

‘It was my mistake,’ Castiel replies. ‘Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them.’ He’s telling the truth, because the truth is important, especially for this man, the one he dragged from the depths of Hell. ‘I was wrong.’

‘And what visage are you in now, huh?’ Dean asks, voice harsh. ‘What, holy tax accountant?’

‘This, this is…’ Castiel pauses minutely, wondering how to explain. ‘A vessel.’

‘You’re possessing some poor bastard?’

‘He’s a devout man, he actually prayed for this.’ Castiel is trying to help Dean understand, but the man is so caught up in his own beliefs he fails to accept the metaphorical hand being extended to help him through this.

‘Look pal, I’m not buying what you’re selling. So who are you really?’

Castiel squints and tilts his head to the right, confused. ‘I told you.’

‘Right. And why would an angel rescue _me_ from Hell?’

Castiel steps forwards. ‘Good things _do_ happen, Dean.’

‘Not in my experience.’

‘What’s the matter?’ Castiel asks, because he wants so badly to understand this man, his _mission_ , he wants to know everything, to be able to share everything with the person in front of him despite them only having met. ‘You don’t think you deserve to be saved.’ The angel has seen the Winchester’s soul, knows that that’s what Dean is questioning most; his own validity of being something worth saving.

Dean’s lip quirks, face dark, and he’s about to say something, Cas can see it in his eyes, but changes at the last second. ‘Why’d you do it?’

‘Because God commanded it.’ Dean’s jaw tightens, but Castiel continues. ‘Because we have work for you.’

‘What kind of work?’ Dean asks, looking thoroughly confused.

‘All in due time,’ Castiel says, before flying back to Heaven. He wanted to stay, but they were not his orders. He was to save the Winchester, inform his of his duty and then return.

Nowhere ever in the rules did it say Cas was to fall in love with Dean. It wasn’t part of anyone’s plan, no one anticipated it. But he did anyway. And they both suffered the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's finally done... I've been working on this fic for about 2 years and five months, and I have to say, I didn't expect it to take this long...
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's stayed with me through my sporadic updates and left comments and reviews, and favourited it. You have no idea how much it means to me.
> 
> (Sorry if I killed your hearts... I have to say this was the original ending all along..)


End file.
